EP 104: Domestic Violence And PTSD Can Keep Us In A Loop, How Do We Break The Cycle? Christina Foxwell

Diana WinklerPhysical Violence

We have a fantastic lady for you on the show today! Christina Foxwell is here to tell her powerful story of her healing journey from domestic violence. She is talking about her new book, Glass Angel as well. Join me for a delightful conversation Down Under!

Transcript below!


I am a HUMAN one who is passionate about People and the impact they have in their own life and their world. I believe we are better together and through my work as a Transformation and Performance Coach I get to see people be better, align and find joy and unlock their full potential.
I am one who believes that LOVE matters and that we are wired to survive. So It’s time we start looking at our world from a place of deeper connection, this only happens when I can shift the source that feeds me and impact my world for the better.

Imagine if we could have workplaces where people are kinder, open and willing to bring what they have. Where we can be honest, open and recognise that the change we want in our world starts with how we see it and inside each of us.

Grow me is your choice – it belongs to you
Lead others is your calling to be with others and allow their growth while you support, learn and connect deeply
Be better together is a place where we can learn from each other, align, connect deeply, work through our mutual problems and choose to commit to our success and the heart of our work.

I have run a successful practice in Sydney Australia for the last 10 years. I am a speaker, author, coach, consultant and a human helping others be better together.

I am about to publish my four book called: The Glass Angel: A guide to freedom, peace, transformation and growth. Unlocking your Potential.

The Glass Angel aims to help people break free of the barriers they’ve put up in their lives, leading them gently towards overcoming shame, while also learning the importance of forgiveness and letting go of the past.

Growth and learning about who we are, how we can be our BEST SELF, who we already are….

Finally some of my customers are and have been:
Australia Post, UGL, PHN Networks, Abbott, News Corp, Zoetis, GSK, Church and Dwight, Clorox, Heavy Vehicle Regulatory Authority, BFG, Woolworths, BUPA, Smith and Nephew, Greater Group, Media Super, Panalpina, City of Paramatta Council, Sedgman, Seek, Baycorp (Across Asia), Novartis, Sydney Water, Life Screen, Adora Fertility, Tobia Partners, Ventia, Veolia, Cushman and Wakefield, Ecomist…. and so many more.


The Glass Angel: A guide to freedom, peace, transformation and growth. Unlocking your Potential

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Email: diana@dswministries.org

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Christina Foxwell Transcript:

[00:00:00] Diana Winkler: Hello everyone. Thanks for coming by. Glad you’re here today.

[00:00:10] Lots of stuff going on here. I’m sure you have lots of things going on at your house too. I had forgotten. I didn’t actually forget, but it just came up on me really fast. It is my two year podcast anniversary and last year in my one year anniversary, I did a two part episode highlighting my guests from last year.

[00:00:44] I did not have time to do anything really to celebrate my two years. I made it you guys. I’m still here and I still love podcasting. Still love bringing [00:01:00] you the best guests that I can find and some music, and so happy two year anniversary to The Wounds of the Faithful podcast. I hope that we have many more together so you have any feedback on the podcast.

[00:01:20] Be sure to send me an email or chat with me on social media. I’m on Facebook, I’m on Instagram, and I’m on Twitter, DSW Ministries. So it’s been great hearing from you guys. I’ve been getting emails from you and I am always glad to hear how you guys are doing and what I can pray for and what kind of needs you have.

[00:01:56] I did want to do some housekeeping today,

[00:01:58] [00:02:00] and that is a result of an email I got this past week, and it was somebody anonymous.

[00:02:08] And this person, I’m gonna assume, it is a she, person did not identify him or herself, but she was accusing somebody of verbally abusing her.

[00:02:30] She sent me an excerpt of an email from this person , and it’s somebody that I know well. I know his whole family and so, It was a little bit hard for me to believe that what was in the email was true. Now we’re always trained to believe the victim, and so I told the anonymous [00:03:00] person that I am willing to investigate what’s going on, and if I find that this person is abusing you or has been abusing you, then I will take action.

[00:03:17] But she did not want me to confront this person.

[00:03:20] She wanted me to take action without me knowing who she is and not willing to give me the complete story, without me investigating as to what was going on. I want copies of all the emails in its entirety, and I understand there were some recorded phone calls, so I would need those before I would take action, but she, for some reason did not wanna cooperate with me.

[00:03:55] She tried to turn the tables on me and [00:04:00] said it was on me if I did not take action on an excerpt of an email. And I said, Look, nobody, not a judge, not a police officer, not an abuse advocate worth their salt is going to act on a partial email from somebody who’s anonymous.

[00:04:25] So I told her, You want some resources in your area, I can do that.

[00:04:34] Anyway. I learned the hard way through life and through advocacy that things are not always what they seem. Okay, we have a perfect example is the media. My husband gives me all these political videos and pictures, and [00:05:00] they look very real.

[00:05:01] And then I go and fact check them. And I realize that the video has been altered and the pictures have been altered. We gotta fact check thing, folks, situations that you don’t have all of the information, you might be judging somebody incorrectly. So I learned that the hard way.

[00:05:31] With that being said, I, I still want to hear from you guys. I still wanna help you. I’m okay with anonymous emails. I’ve gotten some anonymous emails, and I’m fine with that. If you wanna tell me your story, you just want to vent a little bit, you want to know what would you do in this situation?

[00:05:52] You want some resources in your area, I can do that. You want me to act on an [00:06:00] abuser? I need more than that. I need to verify your identity, and I need, again, all of the information, and I will do the best that I can to help you. Now, I am not a doctor. I am not a mental health professional, so I cannot answer questions

[00:06:25] about child custody, about medication that you should take. I’m not a divorce lawyer. I don’t know the laws where you live. I cannot give you legal advice, but I can give you the resources. I am more than happy to do that. I know a lot of people that I can connect you with. If you need a licensed counselor, trauma therapist, I can find you one.

[00:06:53] You need a really good mental health professional. I can find you one. So [00:07:00] yeah, I just wanted to put that out on the table.

[00:07:03] So don’t stop sending the emails. I’m glad to hear from you on social media. If you wanna talk on Zoom. I am happy to talk with you. I’d love to see a face beyond the name. And so that’s all of the housekeeping I have for today, probably more than you wanted to hear.

[00:07:29] I do have an excellent guest on the show today. We have Christina Foxwell, and she speaks to women who have faced domestic violence, PTSD, trauma and loss. She gives them tools to transform their thinking, their relationship with self and their healing. So a little bit more about her. [00:08:00] This is how she describes herself.

[00:08:05] I am a human one who is passionate about people and the impact they have in their own life and their world, and believe we are better together. And through my work as a transformation and performance coach, I get to see people be better aligned and find joy and unlock their full potential. She says, I have run a successful practice in Sydney, Australia for the last 10 years.

[00:08:38] I am a speaker, author, coach, consultant, and a human helping others be better together. I’m about to publish my fourth book called The Glass Angel, A Guide to Freedom, Peace, Transformation, and Growth, Unlocking Your [00:09:00] Potential. The Glass Angel aims to help people break free of the barriers they put up in their lives, leading them gently towards overcoming shame, while also learning the importance of forgiveness and letting go of the past, growth, and learning about who we are, how we can be our best self, who we already are.

[00:09:27] So she sounds like she is a perfect fit for our podcast. We have very similar goals to help you to heal from domestic violence, abuse, and trauma. So this is going to be great.

[00:09:48] So I’m gonna bring her on here. I hope you enjoy my conversation with Christina Foxwell. Here she is.

[00:09:58] I am [00:10:00] so glad to have Christina Foxwell on the show today. Welcome.

[00:10:06] Christina Foxwell: Hello Diana. Hello, listeners. So lovely to be with you today.

[00:10:11] Diana Winkler: And Christina is joining us from Down Under.

[00:10:15] Christina Foxwell: Ooh, where the kangaroos run wild. Not really, but . Yes. I love Lovely to be here.

[00:10:25] Listen, it is a beautiful place to live. And I haven’t seen any wild kangaroos where I live necessarily, but just up the way, when you go driving, you’ll see them in a field or it’s it’s a blessing to live in a space where nature is so unique.

[00:10:39] Diana Winkler: Oh, we’re glad to have you here.

[00:10:41] And we’re gonna talk about your story and how you’ve healed. Thank you. And. Now you have a successful life and an abundant life. So, we love to start things out like from the beginning. Okay. What [00:11:00] was your childhood like? You were mom’s birthday present?

[00:11:04] Christina Foxwell: I was, my mom’s birthday present, so my mom and dad were in ministry.

[00:11:09] So my dad was a Pentecostal pastor. And I was my mom’s birthday present, so she had birthdays on the 17th and my birthday’s on the 18th . And she always said that she just waited for her slippers for her birthday. And then I arrived the next day so that she could wear them in hospital . And yeah.

[00:11:27] So my mom and I are really close and. That’s where the story kind of started. I was born in Africa, actually. I relocated to Australia 15 years ago and in a little town called Port Elizabeth. And it’s on the coast, east coast of South Africa. And my dad was a real faithful man of God, is probably the best way to describe it.

[00:11:54] And, I grew up feeling love and like any child would. [00:12:00] And then at the age of five I got sexually abused by a family member at, in our home. And I remember sharing immediately, sharing it with my parents. And at that stage, my parents put me to bed again. To kind of just, I know that’s crazy, right?

[00:12:23] And I always say this is where my voice got taken, my ability to use my voice. And as I’ve gone through my healing journey, I had to go and find the start of the shame roots, the things that just kind of catapulted me into relationships where there was more control. And as I look back at that and I really had to go on a healing journey cuz that stuff was in my cupboard and I didn’t wanna talk about, it.

[00:12:52] Wasn’t something we spoke about. It’s a dirty little secret.

[00:12:58] Diana Winkler: Did they believe you [00:13:00] or they just didn’t wanna deal with it?

[00:13:01] Christina Foxwell: I think on I spoke to my mom as I was going through my healing journey. My dad passed by that stage and I said did you believe me? She said, I remember it happening. And there’s a few things to consider because my dad was in ministry, it wasn’t something that they wanted to make a big thing of because being a pastor and being in ministry, your family has to be an example.

[00:13:30] . And so that would take away from the example. So we had to keep it quiet first thing. Second thing, it was a family member. And so that would also impact the ministry. So we had couldn’t talk about it, but I wasn’t heard out at that stage. I didn’t feel heard. I felt like, could I make it up? Am I going crazy?

[00:13:54] What’s going on with me? And I didn’t realize that [00:14:00] in that moment I lost my feeling that maybe. Are these really my parents? I actually, I convinced my school a few years later that these weren’t really my parents, that I’d been adopted, and I had other parents. And I think it’s that story that we tell ourselves when something like that happens.

[00:14:22] It’s the hushing, it’s the, we’re not gonna talk about that. That, didn’t kind of happen. It did happen. And it impacted my, my how I saw myself, my feelings of sexuality were awaken way too young. I, needing to be seen and heard because my voice wasn’t heard. Really starting to wrestle with my feeling of good or bad.

[00:14:45] And I often say now, cuz I talk about it so much on interviews. When we hush something like that and we take someone’s voice away, we take away their feeling that they have the ability [00:15:00] to say no, to use their voice, to put a boundary in place. We take that away. And then of course, taking that into account.

[00:15:08] I grew up in a servant leadership space where we served our community and they were always right, and my dad loved the work. He was so passionate about the calling he had on his life. But that meant that the church came first always, which is, it is what it is. But when you are wrestling with yourself in those moments, you don’t know that you also have value.

[00:15:35] So basically, I started seeing myself as not having value, turn the other cheek. I just kept turning cheeks. Many cheeks can I turn?,

[00:15:44] Diana Winkler: I only got two.

[00:15:47] Christina Foxwell: Just do it in the round. Yeah. And listen, make no mistake. I got taught love. I got experienced God’s love. I experienced community. But all of that was soon to be taken away as I went through the [00:16:00] next phase of my life.

[00:16:01] So my husband, my first husband, I’ve had a few for anyone out there breathe deeply. I had to break those cycles. Okay. And my first husband, a we grew up his kids together in, in our church community. They were in a church community where I was a young child, say primary school age. And then we moved to another coastal town cuz my dad moved to yet a few churches.

[00:16:28] And they were, they found us in this new town and I was 16 and he was a 18 and he thought he, that’s when we kind of connected again and he wanted to date me. And at that stage he was teasing me and I was like I’m not sure I like how that feels. And then I dated somebody else and when that young man broke up with me at a youth camp, glorious place, Diana

[00:16:55] But of course at that stage I think I was quite needy when it came to [00:17:00] relationships already. So I was probably Claus making him claustrophobic, the poor thing. And it wasn’t nice. I mean, we’ve all got our part to play, but when we came back, I phoned my, future husband and I said, Did you still wanna go on a date with me?

[00:17:12] Diana? He was there in a blink. Of course he was. Of course he was. He was a right squad police. At that stage, and this was the stage of Nelson Mandela coming out of prison. So in the area where we lived, there was a lot of violence and there was fighting with AK 47’s and it was it was quite surreal in the township areas.

[00:17:32] And so that’s, that was what he was going through. We met again at the stage, started dating and it was quite a interesting dating experience because every now and again I recognize now looking back, I felt control. And I resisted a little. And so we would have a little fight and then get back together again.

[00:17:59] [00:18:00] Those kind of relationships that can be quite volatile. Yeah. But there was one thing that I started giving away at that stage. I, because of the experiences I’d had as a child, I was codependent. So I needed, my dad was very strict and he was the man of the house, so he was holding us together as a family.

[00:18:18] So I was quite submissive. And then when I got engaged and in this relationship with my then first husband that transferred from family to him , and I was codependent, Woohoo, handing over all my power. If he didn’t show me he loved me, then, I needed to prove, please love me.

[00:18:38] What else can I do to prove that we can be in this relationship together? . And I think also because he was a well known sportsman in our town, and this rides, he, everyone knew him. So I became a little trophy girlfriend. Right. And it was hard. It was, if I think about that time, I think [00:19:00] about, let me use our engagement, for example.

[00:19:01] You should run when the red flags happen. But yes, if you’ve got issues that you don’t run when the red flags happen, like there’s many of us you just have to look back at your story with love, which I’ll get to shortly. And we were on the beach and he proposed to me on the beach and I opened the ring box and the engagement ring flew out of the box and landed on the beach somewhere.

[00:19:21] And he got so angry with me, Diana, he got so angry with me and he berated me about how stupid I was.

[00:19:30] That should have been the moment. I should have gone. Thank you. But I’m not getting engaged. But I went, I’m so sorry. We said ring and I found it eventually and we put it on and what should have been a glorious moment was quite hurtful, uncomfortable setting the tone for my life. We engaged for a short while.

[00:19:49] He went away and did some border control, where they were patrolling borders for farmers and keeping farmers safe. And during that time, I broke up with him [00:20:00] because and I share the story more, probably more in detail in my book, but I broke up with him because he was gone and for the first time I could breathe.

[00:20:07] . But also at that stage I got

[00:20:10] And this is hard for me to really go there, but I got abused by my boss. The Me Too movement. I never realized. Me Too, actually associated with me too. But remember I said when my voice got taken away as a little child, so I couldn’t say no. Right? I work late. I was only 19. He locked me in between two gates with him.

[00:20:30] Thank you, Diana. Your face says at all. And this man, 20 years older than you is paying attention to you. He’s locking you in between these two gates. What do you do? You freeze. Yes. And you just go, where you going? Because you don’t have a voice. You don’t know how to say no. That’s not okay for me. What are you doing?

[00:20:52] Get away from me. Didn’t say that.

[00:20:54] Diana Winkler: Yeah, you get petrified. People, don’t realize that. It’s [00:21:00] like you’re in the headlights. You freeze. You literally freeze.

[00:21:04] Christina Foxwell: You literally freeze. And then you think to yourself, Oh, someone’s paying attention to me differently to the abuse I’ve had before. So this must be better than that. But this is wrong, and so it’s all wrong. So we break up and I go through a value challenge. In my heart, I’m misaligned like I’m a bad person. I shouldn’t have done that. I need to make this up. I need, this needs to change. I need to feel better. I call that the feeling of love and compassion. My love tank, Okay? But my love tank had been empty for a while, and I’m thinking that codependency and someone else is gonna fill my tank for me.

[00:21:44] But anyone out there is listening. No one can fill your tank for you. Only you can fill your own tank. That’s right. And shame is that rusty bit at the bottom of your tank, your shame stories that actually make your tank leak. So you gotta find a way to plug those holes so you can [00:22:00] fill your love tank. I’m very graphic in kind of the visualization I have of my story, but I got back together with him with my first husband after that whole feeling of I’m a bad person and he made me pay for that Diana.

[00:22:14] He said to me, Of course, I’ll take you back. I want you back. Cuz as soon as he got back from the board, he was like a fly around me. And then he said to me we will get married again and you will lose weight because you are fat. Oh, exactly. So I ended up weighing, when we got married, 45 kilograms. I was so thin.

[00:22:34] I had these eyes looked really big. Anything to just please him. And here is the doozy, as we say in Australia, has the big challenge as we drive away on honeymoon. He said to me, Right now, I’m gonna tell you how things are gonna be in this relationship. And he started laying out the rules. Now we’re driving on holiday.

[00:22:54] I’m sitting next to him thinking, Ah, what have I done?

[00:22:58] What have I [00:23:00] done? If you’ve just followed the last 10 minutes of the story, you’ll already see what a crazy smashing of in and out. And then I wanna share with you, if you’ve grown up in a Christian community, you don’t want other people to see your shame? No, because our community can sometimes be less than compassionate.

[00:23:21] We’re actually called to be so compassionate with each other, but we don’t know how to do that. So we judge each other and we wait for each other to. And this is what makes people that go through domestic violence that are sometimes in our community so hard to actually even share their story. Exactly.

[00:23:40] And we were married for two and a half years. I have a little girl who’s now works with me, my daughter, and I left when she was two and I left because just before that the mental abuse was [00:24:00] terrible. I wasn’t allowed to see my parents and talk to them anymore. Oh. I was told what to eat, when to eat, how to eat.

[00:24:06] I was always in trouble. There was always something wrong, something not right. Having packed an nappy bag right for his mother. I’m so stupid. I’m stupid and fat. Who’s gonna love me anyway. He’s the only one who would love me. I gave him my salary every month and I got pocket money, and then eventually I said to him, I need underwear.

[00:24:26] I really need underwear, but can we just go and buy me underwear? It was really bad and it hit a point where we had two languages. So I’m, I was fluent. I’m no longer fluent because I’ve lived in Australia for so long. In the other language we have in South Africa, which is Africans, it’s like a Dutch language.

[00:24:46] And because when he met me as a young child, my dad was fully bilingual. We had Anan congregation, and then we moved to an English one. He had it in his head that I’m off Khan, even though I’ve, I. When my daughter was born, [00:25:00] it was English. I wanted to speak to you in English. I’m English. I grew up and we had an argument about language and before I knew it, this is where I knew I, this something’s gotta give you.

[00:25:09] He was holding me up by my neck against the wall strangling me, and my little girl was hanging on my legs crying. Oh, that’s terrible. And those are the moments where you go, not only can’t, I think for myself, but now you’re starting to physically harm me. And at that stage, I had started a job in an investment company and I’d been promoted within six months.

[00:25:37] I was from move, from reception to running this team. And it was just my natural gift. I had an ability to step into conversations with people, sort out some, some of their financial stuff, work through stuff, make things organized. And I felt. Like I was starting to be with something and it gave me [00:26:00] hope.

[00:26:02] Diana Winkler: Now, can I ask, through all of this pain, being raised in the faith, what was your relationship with God through all this? Did you lose your faith?

[00:26:14] Christina Foxwell: Oh

[00:26:14] that’s such a good question. As all of this was going on, I was as, so we had two full gospel churches in, in the town where we lived. My dad was the pastor of one and it was English, and then there was the Ryka community one.

[00:26:31] When we got married, he made me resign out of my dad’s church because he said to me, Your dad is my father in-law, so he can’t be my minister as well. He was isolating. Yes. And he moved me to the Hans Church. So I was leading my dad’s worship team. I was his musician. When I had my daughter, she used to be sleeping under the baby grand.

[00:26:56] And so I moved churches [00:27:00] and I was leading the worship on the other side. When we got divorced, when I left him because I couldn’t take it anymore. But also because somebody else had come into my life and show, shown me love very, for a very short time Diana. I wasn’t in a relationship with them, but I moved home and my parents said this to me, You cannot stand in ministry if you have sin in your life.

[00:27:30] And my dad was very black and white around this stuff, and so I was not allowed to be in ministry anymore. What sin were they talking about? Having met somebody else and left my husband having

[00:27:45] divorced, I could just, I could carry on. Yeah.

[00:27:51] Diana Winkler: Divorce is very common. I went through that myself.

[00:27:55] Christina Foxwell: and so I lost my sense of belonging of [00:28:00] what I could bring. The community down there were not hard on me. But I felt so lost. I lost my feeling of

[00:28:12] deep connection with the Lord because I felt like I was bad, is I’ve obviously invited this into my life, something, And then I moved Diana after that to another city where I thought I could recreate my life. And this is where the church challenge really hit. I joined a church up there 1,200 kilometers away from my family, just me and my little girl.

[00:28:36] And the people there judged me as a young mom. And they said to me, You should have stayed on your knees. God would’ve changed him. You need to have gone back to him. It’s a sin. The guys here are not interested in marrying or being involved with a woman that’s got a child. They’re waiting for somebody in their life who’s never been touched.

[00:28:59] Diana Winkler: I’m sure they’re [00:29:00] virgins too, huh?

[00:29:01] Christina Foxwell: I’m sure. And so when my life fell apart up there and my first husband said, my mom, his mom had died. And I’d gone through trying to date someone and being oblivious how to date anyone . And this guy stole my bank card and stole my money, and suddenly I’m sitting there not able to pay my rent.

[00:29:24] and I moved in with my 86 year old granny and we lived on her porch and I just went through a state of deep depression. , can’t find a church, not allowed to be in church, can’t be in ministry, being divorced, Can’t use the gift that God has given me to, to use in the community that I love.

[00:29:42] That the only place I knew that I’d grown up in, not allowed to be part of it. , because my story is following me like a big black cloud. And so at that stage, he phoned me and said that his mother died and he promised [00:30:00] his mother that he would do anything to get us back. And that he hadn’t treated me well and he knows he did wrong.

[00:30:08] And he’s so sorry. Diana bombing boom, bomb. And guess what happens? The same thing happened as before. I call this rinse and repeat. Yes. You go through the cycle one more time and as he comes to get me and brings me back home, my parents say to me, You cannot live in sin. You have to marry him.

[00:30:31] Thank you, Diana. So we have another little wedding and I’m thinking, God, And at the reception, all shit hits the fan again because the family are all not too happy that we are back together again. And we buy a little house. And this is where it hit me. Five months in, my daughter had stuffed crisps into the DVD player as a [00:31:00] three year old.

[00:31:00] We’re playing, eating the, Yeah. And his sports team were at our house for a barbeque. And they were all sitting in our lounge and he wanted to put something in and he realized and he lost his shit and he started screaming at me in front of them. And before I, because I said what do you want me to, I kind of did a little bit of a defend.

[00:31:20] He grabbed me at that stage and dragged me down the passage by my hair and all his friends left.

[00:31:27] And I’ll share with you what happened then I was like, Okay, my life hit rock bottom cuz he has my life. You get married to somebody again, to me in your community, but you’ll never actually be the same again because you’re not healing you’re, you’re raw. And all he wanted was his daughter. You didn’t want me.

[00:31:52] And so I tried to commit suicide at this stage. I was like, Where? Where do I go? Can’t tell the [00:32:00] church people this is happening. Can’t go to, like, can I go back to my parents again? And I didn’t do it very smartly. Thank the Lord who’s gracious , who is obviously loves me very much. I try to do it with mild pain pills.

[00:32:15] But I thought if I could kill, if I could drink this whole bottle, then surely I can just exit because that’s just what I wanna do. I just can’t do this. And when I came to, he was with me and he basically said to me you’re so pathetic. You can’t even kill yourself. And this was the time Diana. I was like, I can’t do this.

[00:32:42] I left there with nothing, nothing suitcases all my trusso, all my granny’s, hand me down stuff that I valued. I lost it all. I just left. I just needed to go. And That was kind of the [00:33:00] start of that piece. And I really hated him. I really, I was so upset that this had happened and yet in my hate, I still loved him.

[00:33:11] That whole thing about the domestic violence piece, you just can’t get this person outta your system with us. And then I managed to be from there. I went into a relationship with someone that I’d met at the office and we he was a sales manager and he was quite controlling in his own way.

[00:33:31] He wasn’t abusive outwardly, but he was hard on my little girl, so hard on it. And after two years of us living together, he came home one day and said, I’ve decided I don’t love you anymore, and I don’t need this little girl. I was like, Lord in heaven, how much can you give me? How much can I bear? And my mother phoned me the one day and she said, Tina, I just wanna say something to you.

[00:33:57] There is a scripture that the Lord says we’re press on all [00:34:00] sides, but not crushed because of his love for us. So you are loved and I know this is hard and I love you and I wish I could take your pain away. Oh God bless mom. God bless mom. And I kept thinking of that. I’m pressed on all sides, but not crushed cuz of his love for me.

[00:34:17] And I remember, so this is like in the span of five years, And how much pain can you take? , I’m not sure. I’m not sure. There’s I said at that stage, I need to write a book, The Chronicles of Christina. Cuz really? And I’m do it well. I wrote the Glass Angel, right? Because it’s about healing.

[00:34:34] At that stage it was all about. The crazy happening to me, but there’s healing here. And at that stage, I had somebody who, a gay friend actually, who said to me, You’ve got no place to live. I have a room. I used to call him Auntie Andre . Cute. Come here, come stay with me. Oh, I’ll take care of you. And we stayed there for, I started, moved in stayed there for a [00:35:00] short while, and then I got an apartment and I got a three bedroom apartment so I could hire two of the bedrooms out and my daughter would stay with me.

[00:35:10] And that would help me put petrol in the car and food on our table. . And at that stage, I had envelopes and I used to put all my money at the end of the month into little envelopes so that I just had enough. And I will say this, God is so good because I used to say, Lord, I am praying that you’re going to be like the virgins with the oil in their lamp as I put petrol in the car this week.

[00:35:36] Please, Father, will you help me multiply this so that I can take my daughter to school and back and go to work and back cuz I’ve just gone enough for this week. And you know what? I always had enough in my tank Diana. So even though I was going through this hard time, I was searching for God, I was searching for that reconnection piece.

[00:35:56] And I will say this to you, I had some family that were pretty cool at this [00:36:00] stage that phone me and say, God has cursed my life. Just, super religious people that are not, that have no compassion. No compassion. And if there’s anything I call our Christian community out to do is to please stop being religious and righteous with people.

[00:36:18] Just love them. Just love them. That’s what they need. Stop judging. You’ve got no right to judge. , your job is to love them as they find peace. Cause until you love them, they’ll never find peace. And they’ll always trying to reach for, and that’s just gonna make that cycle. Keep going. Yeah.

[00:36:36] Diana Winkler: You know who Jesus used to yell at all the time. It was the Pharisees, the religious leaders didn’t see him yelling at the oppressed and the women and the ones that needed help, he showed compassion and love.

[00:36:51] Christina Foxwell: And so from there on in, I became tough Diana. I was like, stuffy will , I’m [00:37:00] now gonna show you.

[00:37:00] And I became very hard on men. I decided to have another child cuz my career was taking off and I wanted a little boy. But I sure was not gonna get married to anyone again. That I just didn’t wanna get married, like, do not make me get married. And so I met a lovely engineer and we decided to have a social experiment, Diana.

[00:37:22] Oh, I know. The social experiment went like this didn’t work. It was a social experiment. We like each other, so we are gonna be together, but we are not in love and we are not buying into the being in love thing. We’re just gonna use our logical minds to be together. Oh my goodness. We had my son, who’s my gift, he’s 18 now.

[00:37:45] He’s very unhappy when he heard I wasn’t married when I had him because he felt that was wrong. Oh. But I felt I couldn’t do, I couldn’t just, I just didn’t want to get married again. It was not the path I wanted from me. And do you want me to share with you what happens? So my [00:38:00] dad retires. I say, Come and live with me.

[00:38:03] I can take care of you guys. Being a Pentecostal minister, there isn’t any retirement fund, right? Your whole life has been invested in the community. And so if the church tells you, now’s the time for you to retire, you retired. And so they came to live with me, Diana. And then my dad said, Hey, I’m sure God doesn’t want you not to be married.

[00:38:21] I’m like, are we going on the marriage train? There we go again. There we go again. And so guess what happened, Diana. You had to get married. Totally. And I was like, I don’t know how many times I can do this without feeling stupid. And two year, a year later, I was like, Dad we gotta get out of this thing.

[00:38:41] This is bad. I don’t love you. We’ve never loved each other. We did it because of a social experiment and. Yes, we’ve got a beautiful son, but I don’t love you. I work very hard and I have managed to take, have enough funds to take care of me and my family. I really don’t need a husband that [00:39:00] I’m paying his ex-wife’s maintenance for.

[00:39:02] I just, this is not right. I don’t believe at that stage I was gracious and compassionate with him. I didn’t know how to be. And he said to me, because of all the men who hurt you in your life, you hurting me Diana in my heart. I pray that he would forgive me for being so tough with him. It’s not that he didn’t, I mean, he was an alcoholic.

[00:39:30] God bless him. He was drinking too much. And I really feel like it’s a drama. There should be a movie. It would’ve been a best seller. And we spread up and I met my now husband in Canada. On a business conference, right. I call him Mr. Darcy. Oh , he’s British. I’ll share with you what he showed me. He showed me more grace and compassion that I than I had received from church people.[00:40:00] [00:40:01] And he also showed me more value. Cuz when he met me, I was on the end of the marriage with Doug. And he said to me, firstly, you are so lovely and I’m so grateful to meet you. What a wonderful friend. I don’t date married woman,

[00:40:12] and I’m happy to be your friend and to be a colleague for you. But until you sought your life out, that’s got nothing to do with me.

[00:40:20] Thank you. And I was like, Oh wow. What are you teaching me? I gotta go and sort my shit out. That’s got nothing to do with you,

[00:40:31] Powerful. Powerful.

[00:40:36] I ended up moving to Australia and he lives here and crafted a life for myself and my children. I ended up coming here with pink suitcases and a small container load. Diana started my life again. I was good at starting my life, man. I can pack a house up like there’s no tomorrow. Just gimme some paper and a box and off we go.

[00:40:54] Right, You moving. And 10 years ago I started my practice called [00:41:00] Ignite Purpose. And you know what? Through this time that I’ve been here in Australia, it’s been a place of healing for me. Reconnecting with my faith, finding my intense love of God, and recognizing that I’ve always been worth love and belonging.

[00:41:16] Diana Winkler: Did you find a decent church ?

[00:41:20] Christina Foxwell: That is such a good question. I don’t necessarily, I’ll visit, but I don’t get involved in the politics because it has too many trauma triggers for me. I understand that and people are still and wise and they are, get caught up in religiosity versus really having God’s love come out of them.

[00:41:44] And I’m not judging, I just, I can feel it kept coming. can feel it coming and I can feel someone take a scripture and not actually interpret it from a wise and loving place. And so my mom lives with me now, thank the Lord. And we’ve got great communion. [00:42:00] It’s so funny, I’m sitting at the kitchen counter the other day and I just felt like singing a hymn and I started and my mom finished it down in the laundry.

[00:42:08] And it’s the gift of knowing the Lord lives here. Yes. And the love and the compassion he gives me is not in an institution, but it’s in the community. I build around me that are filled with love. And compassion and really can live love every single day. . And so my healing journey really hit a road about five years ago.

[00:42:33] I’d come across Brene Brown’s work and I was like, Lady, you inspire my heart. Can I rewrite my story? Kept going through my mind day and I wanna rewrite my story and I wanna carry this shame with me. And I didn’t realize it was shame that there’s something about me not worthy of love and belonging. And if we’ve gone through domestic violence we have been imprinted where there’s something about you that’s not worthy of love and belonging.

[00:42:56] And if my community don’t love and accept me, [00:43:00] then there really has to be something. And that’s all a lie, by the way. Yes.

[00:43:03] And so five years ago my son had was suffering from mental health challenges. It’s very bright. Doesn’t know when to keep quiet and sometimes can get himself in a jam as other kids cuz he’s not sporty, but he’s very articulate. And so he was being bullied at school. We go to counseling as a family. I’m a workaholic, right?

[00:43:28] I’ve started this business, gotta make money, gotta take care of my children, be independent woman. Give John some ability to be the man in our life, but will I trust him and rely on Diana? Maybe not. We go into this session. And by the way, at this stage, my marriage started being a bit rocky again because I hadn’t healed, right?

[00:43:54] And here I am about a go rinse and repeat again. And I’m like, No, I’m not getting rinse and repeat. I [00:44:00] refer you this time. And Sitting at an airport in Melbourne, cry my eyes out because shame is following me. Go do this counseling session. The counselor says, Can you work less? I explode Diana. I went, I, you asking me to put my faith in this man sitting over here who could leave me at any time?

[00:44:22] Are you kidding me? No way am I doing that. And my son knows I do this for him and I’m giving you a nice rendition of what went down. Cause like, no, I understand that. It’s quite traumatic. I think for everyone, everyone was crying. She found me afterwards and said, I need to tell you, you have PTSD and until you heal, your family won’t heal.

[00:44:47] Find a good counselor. I said, Can you do it? She said, Nope, I won’t be doing it for you. You will find your own trauma counselor. I’m a family counselor. You need someone who’s worked with people that have had PTSD [00:45:00] and you need it now.

[00:45:02] I thought, How rude. I know Brene Brown. She said, I don’t care what you know. I don’t care what you know. I don’t care if you’re a coach. I don’t care if you’re the president. I don’t care. I’m telling you what’s happening for you, and you need to sort it out. What a brave woman, I didn’t like her very much at that moment.

[00:45:22] But what a brave woman. So I found somebody, and our first session, we sat together and he said, What do you wanna get from this? I said, I wanna be free. I wanna be peaceful. Just, I can’t take it anymore. I’ve been holding on. I am like, I’m like a muscle woman carrying everything on me, and I just can’t do it anymore.

[00:45:48] And if my children are being impacted by my story, I can’t. I can’t, I don’t want, I want That has to. And I, we sat down and he said to me, So how are we gonna do this? [00:46:00] I said I’m surrendering to my life. He went, Please don’t surrender. I think he thought I was gonna take myself out, And he said, No.

[00:46:05] And I said, No. I need to sit in the space where I accept that my story is what it is.

[00:46:10] And he said, Yes, you do. And so for the last five years, I’ve been working on my healing and on my acceptance. And as I’ve been doing the work in my life, my business has transformed differently. My relationship with my husband has become precious and beautiful. My relationship with myself. Has become a beautiful place.

[00:46:42] I no longer am nasty and hard on myself. I recognize my fear. I give myself love, and it’s not about self love. Let me have a massage. Let me have a facial. Ladies. I will still do that thing, but that’s not self love. That’s self care, [00:47:00] right? Self love is being able to sit with myself and recognize that in this moment I might be scared, but I’m okay.

[00:47:09] That I’m good enough, that my story isn’t bad, that my story is a gift, and that what I have allows me to be with and next to others going through something that’s the same.

[00:47:24] And so I believe I’ve gone through a journey of alchemy where my life looked like something that nobody wanted to look at. Nobody, you tell people that story, they recoil in horror because of their own fear of shame.

[00:47:42] I share with you now, as I look back on my story, I’ve seeded my story with love, forgiveness, acceptance, recognizing that at different junction points, people were doing the best they could with what they had. [00:48:00] Recognizing that it wasn’t me, it was sometimes just what it was. That my community didn’t have to be grounded in church necessarily.

[00:48:11] But I had found people along the way who were the most unlikely people to hold my heart. And let me tell you, that’s love. And maybe that’s what Jesus really called us to be. Just

[00:48:29] honest from a place of compassion,

[00:48:33] and I’ll share this with you. I no longer feel that my story is this shame brush dragging behind me. I am peaceful. I keep evolving those trigger points in my life. You can’t remove it, but you can definitely take the power away from it. Yes.

[00:48:52] And so if I look back now, I’m sitting crying here with you, Diana. I look at the story and I go, I’m so [00:49:00] grateful that with a challenging story comes a great calling

[00:49:05] because people, women and men out there that have gone through domestic violence, abuse, been done wrong, need to know that they’re worthy of. And they can heal and they can change that story. They can change, rinse and repeat. They can change the direct direction that everybody thought their story was going in,

[00:49:31] because they can shift the lens through which they’re seeing their story. Remember that. And I think that gives you God-given peace, grace.

[00:49:47] I don’t need grace from people. I need grace from God. And I need grace in myself.

[00:49:54] And so I look back and I’m joyful. It’s taken me [00:50:00] a lot of courage to share my story and,

[00:50:02] and I do it with courage, I’m doing it with courage. I wasn’t innocent along the way. I responded from places of protection. I did the best I could with what I had. I fell short of my own values at times. I had to shift my beliefs around certain things, otherwise I was gonna keep going back there and I’m in a place of glorious imperfection,

[00:50:23] and it’s possible to be peaceful, and it’s something we work on every day

[00:50:30] and embracing ourselves every day and reminding ourselves who we really are. I am good enough. I am worthy of love. My imperfections don’t make me bad. They make me beautiful. I’ve had a colorful story. I’m painting the world in bright color. I have love and compassion. Come on, all the wonderful things.[00:51:00] [00:51:00] It’s not the money that we have. I mean, making all the money doesn’t fill the holes for you. Let’s be really real. Marrying somebody with lots of money also doesn’t fill any holes for you. Money is not the thing that makes you better. Title is not the thing that makes you better.

[00:51:17] Sitting with yourself in a peaceful moment, writing yourself a love later, reminding yourself that you are worthy, all the love you can give to yourself is where it starts

[00:51:29] your own tank. God’s given you the ability to switch the faucet on, switch it on, and then be filled with joy. Filled with joy.

[00:51:42] Sorry, Diana. You got me on a roll now I’m like, woo.

[00:51:46] Diana Winkler: Good stuff. This is good stuff. I, as I’ve been listening to your story I can definitely relate to a lot of what you said, certain [00:52:00] things that you said. I have gone through myself, and I know the listeners have been through some of the same things and they are crying on their end of the world, and they need peace, and they need the Lord and they need love from their faith community.

[00:52:22] Christina Foxwell: Yes, they do.

[00:52:25] Diana Winkler: I can’t can’t imagine keeping the life that I had before. My new life is so different now than the one that I left. And I wish I had done it sooner, but I’ve learned things along the way just like you have.

[00:52:44] Christina Foxwell: Totally. And you know what, That’s the gift we get given.

[00:52:49] Diana Winkler: Healing’s a journey, right?

[00:52:52] Christina Foxwell: I have this thought and this week my theme for this week is compassion.

[00:52:57] Is that song that says the Lord is gracious and [00:53:00] compassionate. The Lord is gracious and compassionate.

[00:53:06] Diana Winkler: I wanted to give you a chance to tell others about your resources and your books that you have to help people.

[00:53:19] Christina Foxwell: Thank you. Diana.

[00:53:20] Diana Winkler: How can folks get those resources?

[00:53:23] Christina Foxwell: So, my latest book which is The Glass Angel, which is my story of my abuse, but also the tools to of healing, growth and transformation.

[00:53:34] I wanna encourage you to get a copy. It’s at Barne’s and Noble as well as Amazon, so you can order it. I’ve tested it does arrive. So that’s the gift . And also I have two other books, or actually I’ve got three other books I’ve got Grow Me, which is a guide to growth. And if you want to really step into opening your mind and really grow, that’s also available on Amazon.

[00:53:57] And then I have two human stories, which [00:54:00] is what we should be buying and teaching our children. One is about Oscar the Pufferfish, who owns his pop, and how to have empathy with children when they’re going through their emotional ups and downs. And it’s a human story. And the final one is Astra The Unicorn finds her belonging and it’s my story.

[00:54:17] It’s my story of how I try to be like everybody else, but I wasn’t a zebra and I wasn’t a monkey , but I was just me. And so those are my four books, of course, The Glass Angel, we are doing a big drive in the us at the moment we are working with our publishing team, but I wanna encourage you, come on, get the book.

[00:54:40] It is going to shift and change your life. And Diana, I’m gonna give you a book, so I’ll send you a copy.

[00:54:47] Diana Winkler: I’ll definitely read it and promote your book.

[00:54:51] Christina Foxwell: And I’m available if you wanna watch my live streams on Facebook or Twitter or LinkedIn. I’m available. I wanna be [00:55:00] connected in your world and just share what I have cuz it’s all I have.

[00:55:04] Diana Winkler: And we need some good resources for our kids. There’s not very many authors out there that, that have good children’s books by somebody that has background that we have. You know what I’m saying? Exactly. So, Exactly. Exactly. I just need to get those books.

[00:55:23] Christina Foxwell: Get those books connecting with me, connecting with your children and your family.

[00:55:28] And you know what? I wanna end with this. You’re worth it. You are worth it. . I just have to remind people that at the, when it’s at your darkest point, you’re not alone. You’re never alone.

[00:55:42] Diana. Thank you.

[00:55:45] This has been just a wonderful time. You’re such a lovely person and beautiful inside and out. For those that are listening, not on YouTube. I hope that you keep in [00:56:00] touch.

[00:56:01] Yeah, I sure will. I sure will. And please send me your postal address. Sorry guys. And I can’t give everybody else a free book too.

[00:56:08] But stay in our world and I’ve got a launch coming up for the US time, which I’ll send to you as well, Diana, and for the book and but I’m just so grateful. Thank you for the opportunity to speak to your audience and to speak to you. I’m super grateful.

[00:56:21] Diana Winkler: And tell the folks your email or your website.

[00:56:24] Christina Foxwell: Absolutely. Email is Christina, c h r i, sst i a ignite.com.au and my website is www.ignitepurpose.com. I am down under. So you need the AU on the back there, otherwise you’re not gonna find me. And I’m available on LinkedIn. So Christina Foxwell, f o x w e l l. That’s quite a cool surname. I think so. So LinkedIn, Facebook Instagram, Twitter.[00:57:00] [00:57:00] I’m on TikTok. So, Ignite purpose on TikTok. Find us. I post messages almost every day and it’s just messages of hope, healing, and transformation.

[00:57:11] Diana Winkler: That’s awesome. And I do a book giveaway every once in a while on my podcast. So just might be your book.

[00:57:20] Christina Foxwell: I’ll send you two copies then.

[00:57:21] Diana Winkler: Oh, wow. That’s very generous.

[00:57:22] Christina Foxwell: I want to help people.

[00:57:24] Absolutely. And I’ve given away books of previous guests before and so, stay tuned for that. Thank you for coming on the show.

[00:57:35] I send you love. I send everyone love and be peaceful and thank you.

[00:57:40] It’s been absolutely delightful to spend time with you Diana.

[00:57:46] Diana Winkler: God bless you, Christina.