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In this episode, host Diana welcomes Jodeen Bradfield, a survivor of 17 years of incest and sexual abuse, who shares her story of healing and faith. The episode delves into Jodeen’s new book, ‘This Is Not My Life: God’s Providence Through My Story of Abuse and Recovery’, her journey through trauma therapy, and the impact of Mending the Soul groups. Jodeen discusses the importance of seeking professional counseling, forgiving abusers, and how her faith journey intertwined with her healing process. The conversation offers support and encouragement for abuse survivors, emphasizing God’s presence and the value of professional help and faith-based group support.
00:00 Introduction and Childhood Fears
01:02 Welcome to the Podcast
02:18 Diana’s Personal Update
03:48 Introducing Jodeen Bradfield
06:15 Jodeen’s Abuse Journey and Mending the Soul
08:49 Writing the Book: A Therapeutic Journey
12:37 Repressed Memories and Counseling
21:03 The Stalking and Its Impact
23:39 Faith and Healing
25:58 Returning to Church and Growing Faith
27:39 A Shocking Revelation About My Father
29:51 Struggling with Depression and Seeking Help
30:35 Unraveling My Past Through Counseling
34:55 Support from My Husband
37:32 Discovering More Family Secrets
38:56 Healing and Forgiveness
44:09 Sharing My Story and Helping Others
47:13 Final Thoughts and Resources
Jodeen’s website: https://www.Jbradfield.com
Her book is also available on Amazon
Follow her on Facebook: Jodeen Bradfield
To find a group in your area, go to www.mendingthesoul.org
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Jodeen
[00:00:00] Next on the Wounds of the Faithful podcast. So I was by myself a lot. And I would go out in the front yard and play, and he would drive down the street in the camp van when there was no one else on the street. I mean, there was no one in the neighborhood that he needed to pick up. And I remember being scared to death. And in fact, my whole plan was, I came out through the back door of the house, And kept the front door locked because now this is childish logic here.[00:00:38] Um, I figured I could run faster and get at least to the back of the house before he got out of the car and got to the back of my house. Get in, lock that door. And if he stopped and thought he was going to fool me and come in the front door, ah, it was locked. had a whole plan, but I do remember the fear [00:01:00] this happened more than once.[00:01:02] Welcome to the Wounds of the Faithful podcast, brought to you by DSW Ministries. Your host is singer, songwriter, speaker, and domestic violence advocate, Diana Winkler. She is passionate about helping survivors in the church heal from domestic violence and abuse and trauma. This podcast is not a substitute for professional counseling or qualified medical help.[00:01:28] Now, here is Diana.[00:01:36] Hi everybody, welcome to the podcast. Glad that you’re here with me. For those of you watching on YouTube, I have a brand new green screen behind me. Now I say brand new, but[00:01:49] I bought this two years ago and we needed to clean out my studio in order to hang it. So we did that last week, [00:02:00] changed the desk arrangement and I was able to hang it up on the wall behind me.[00:02:05] Thank you for putting up with the adjustments. I hope that everything looks good. If not, please send me a message so I can fix whatever it is.[00:02:18] I wanted to tell you that I started going to trauma therapy. for the first time, and I don’t remember if I talked about that Christmas or the New Year’s episode, but I had some triggers this past year and decided at a recommendation of one of my doctors to get a licensed trauma therapist to talk through, process some of these things.[00:02:44] They keep coming up, I wish I would have done it sooner, but Yes, Licensed Counselor, Licensed Trauma Therapist, and we’re going to be doing Cognitive Behavioral Therapy as well as EMDR, [00:03:00] which some of you are very familiar with. I am going to report back to you how that’s going. Right now we’re in the getting to know me stage, but I want to say this because I don’t want you to be afraid to seek counseling by a qualified professional. I’m not talking about life coaches. I’m not talking about your pastor, as wonderful as he may be, or your friends.[00:03:27] It will be very helpful to you to go to somebody that is licensed and experienced in helping people process trauma or abuse. So, if you need help getting recommendations, let me know. I will do my best to find some for you. On with my show this week. I am so excited that I have my co facilitator, Jodeen Bradfield, on the show today.[00:03:56] We have done many Mending the Soul groups together, [00:04:00] and she has written a book about her story of abuse. Now, I have heard her abuse story, um, many times in the group, and she’s finally written a book about it. So, She’s come on the podcast to talk about Mending the Soul and her story. So I’m really super excited for you to hear this episode.[00:04:26] Jodeen 1: I love her to death. I want to do a quick bio before I bring her on. Bradfield is a survivor of 17 years of incest and sexual abuse. She is passionate about walking alongside other victims of abuse to experience God’s hand in the midst of the recovery process. She is a certified facilitator for Mending the Soul and has facilitated many groups of abused women through this process.[00:04:58] Bradfield and her [00:05:00] husband, Dana, live in Omaha, Nebraska. So, without further ado, I hope you enjoy the conversation between me and my friend, Jodeen. I am so glad to have my good friend, Jodeen Bradfield on the show, finally![00:05:18] Hello, Diana. Hello! So good to see you. Yes,[00:05:23] Thank you so much! This is exciting because I’ve been waiting for your book and we kept talking about you coming on the podcast and you’re finally here. I feel like, uh, it’s like old times.[00:05:38] Mending the soul groups. That’s how we know each other, of course. and you’re in, Nebraska. What’s the weather like in Omaha today? Well, today we are having about a five day respite from winter. So it got up to 50 and it was sunshine. But last week it was [00:06:00] negative 10 below with the windchill.[00:06:02] Yeah. So. Yeah, so it’s beautiful here today. Uh, we’re complaining about our 30 degree cold front. 30 degrees. Glad I’m not in Nebraska. . , So we’re definitely want to talk about your abuse journey, but, I want to first talk about Mending the Soul because, it’s so important to both of us. We’re so passionate about it.[00:06:29] We’ve facilitated many groups together. So how would you explain Mending the Soul to somebody that has never heard of it? And there’s all these groups out there, but what makes Mending the Soul different? That’s a great question, Diana. And the way I explain it to the women here in Omaha, for me, I can do it in one sentence.[00:06:52 It’s a Christ focused group for those who have faced the trauma of abuse. And I say that because back [00:07:00] when I went through my journey, I mean, there probably were groups, but I never found a group that focused on Christ in the midst of that journey. And it’s so important to have Him in that journey of healing.[00:07:13] For Well, you know, a lot of survivors, they want to throw God out with, the bath water and they’re done with God. And that is definitely what, my podcast is about is yes, we’ve gone through this, Abuse, but don’t give up on God. Let’s discover him all over again. He cares for you.[00:07:33] And that is what I discovered in Mending the Soul. Absolutely. People find it odd to think of abuse. and Christ in the same, sentence. And it’s, you need him. I don’t know how, I’ve gone through some other groups years and years ago and I, I don’t know, it just didn’t have much of an impact on my life.[00:07:54] It didn’t change anything. And Mending the Soul, every woman that I’ve worked [00:08:00] with, I’ve done many, many groups, as have you. It’s impacted their life for the better. They’re not healed at the end, but You are further along in that journey, and there has been healing take place, but most likely you have more healing yet.[00:08:17] Yes, and, the listeners are familiar with Mending the Soul. We’ve had Steven Tracy on the show three times. My favorite guest. He’s absolutely fantastic. I love listening to you and him. Yeah. So anybody listening that has not listened to Steven Tracy’s episodes, please go back and look for those. Clearly marked and you will not be sorry.[00:08:46] He’s probably my favorite guest ever. so, we are definitely here to talk about your brand new book, This Is Not My Life, God’s Providence Through My Story [00:09:00] of Abuse and Recovery. So, I mean, after all this time, what said to you, I need to write this book now? Well, that’s an interesting question because actually I was writing it for about 20 years.[00:09:17] I started it, it was my journal notes through counseling, and originally I was just journaling through my counseling, and I felt partway through that counseling that, um, there were others like myself, who I know we’ll get into this in a little bit, who, didn’t know their own story of abuse. And I felt I, everything I read, these people remembered and they knew what was going on.[00:09:45] And I didn’t. I had to reconstruct mine. And so I felt the need was there. But I didn’t do it. I took my notes at first and I turned them into a, book. I’m doing air [00:10:00] quotes now. Um, but I just kept pulling it out and editing and deleting and inserting and changing and then life would happen and it’d get put away and repeat.[00:10:12] I’d get it back out and work on it. Nothing was really happening except I was constantly editing. And then part way through that journey, I had healed more. And the focus of the original book, with the same title, was, meant to say to people who did not remember that, had to, they had suffered repression, and we’ll talk about that, I know, in their journey, I was trying to get them to, it was aimed at them.[00:10:43] Well, along about halfway through that, I realized. I don’t have God in this, and my story is about God. My story has to be there, and it’s in the beginning of the book, because I want you to see how bad it [00:11:00] was, so you can see how big, and how great, and how good God is. And so I took that book and I reorganized it all and changed it up and added all. It’s about two thirds about God in my mind.[00:11:17] And hence, and then I still did the same thing. I still took it out, worked on it. Life would happen. I’d put it away. I’d get it back out. I did that until about a year and a half ago, when I really felt like God was saying, Get it done. Do it. And for me, it felt like stepping off a cliff. I mean, I’m not a writer.[00:11:45] I’m not an author.[00:11:47] I didn’t write stories growing up. I didn’t do any of that. And so I took a step and I contacted a publisher and here we are. You know, you could have fooled me that you’re not a [00:12:00] writer. You are such a good storyteller. I am not kidding. Every time you tell your story in Mending the Soul Groups, it’s the way that you arrange it and the words And phrases that you use, and I know you’ve worked on it over the years, and you’ve perfected it, but it is just, God infused.[00:12:21] Maybe that’s, um, that’s what it is. It’s, it’s God working through you, even though you don’t think you’re a writer. Now, going through that writing process, was it triggering for you, or was it more, Therapeutic. For me, it was more therapeutic because, as I said, it started, it was my journal notes initially.[00:12:45] So when I went into counseling, my father had died and I went into depression for many years. And every time I went to counseling, we just talked about my negative self talk.[00:12:56] There were some extenuating circumstances of my [00:13:00] father’s death. And so finally I gave up on counseling. I thought, okay, I guess I’m just going to be on medication the rest of my life. And then eventually I happened at lunch one day to say something to some friends, one of which was a pastor. I think we were talking about abuse at the time, and it was the first time I said something to someone other than my husband.[00:13:27] And all I knew, all I told my husband, was that there had been a couple of instances with a couple of people, and that’s it. So, that day at lunch, when I said something, I gathered up my nerve and I thought, This is Stupid. Lots of women have faced abuse. So I said something about, to the effect, well, I was abused when I was a kid and I was starting to go on because it was a conversation and [00:14:00] the conversation just stopped and I was shocked and I’m like, what, what, what do you mean?[00:14:07] They go, that’s important. And I’m like, it happened a long time ago. So in that lunch, Uh, the pastor gave me the name of a counselor and it took me about three or four months before I got up the nerve to contact yet another counselor. But when I went in, um, that was God ordained.[00:14:28] The pastor who gave me the name, didn’t know this. The counselor counseled women like myself. Two thirds of her, clientele were older women who were facing the trauma of abuse that they were recovering the memories of and that’s when I started down the road. She helped me tremendously. She had to argue with me a lot. It’s very hard when you’re recovering memories.[00:14:59] I [00:15:00] knew in my own mind what I was saying was a memory from my brain. You know, you have a picture, if you right now thought of some memory from your childhood. You know it’s true. You remember it, you know it’s true. In this case, even though that was true, there was, okay, you know what that means, what’s going on?[00:15:22] And it didn’t compute. And I had to convince myself, if you will, because I knew it was true, but how could it be true? You know, my story is that I grew up, I had a normal life. I was in brownies and Girl Scouts and, had sleepovers and went to school.[00:15:45] Not that it was all good, but it wasn’t all bad. It was normal, normal stuff. So how could this have been going on? And yet, I knew it was me. I knew it was where I was at. I [00:16:00] remembered certain things. I didn’t remember all. I still don’t. I still don’t have the full memory. But if I were to tell you, and I don’t in the book, and I wouldn’t do this to someone, um, if I told you one example of here’s what I remember, what do you think was going on, I know what you would tell me, right?[00:16:26] But that’s too triggering. That’s ucky, ucky stuff to talk about for people. Yeah, it’s not a sexy topic. Being violated as a child. You’re thinking that’s normal. You thought this was how it was. Yeah, and don’t we all? I mean, I could ask anyone when you grew up, whatever your home life was like, good, bad, or indifferent, that was normal.[00:16:57] And your friend, like, I [00:17:00] had lots of best friends, and their house was different, but we all know, That’s okay. Their house is different, right? They eat dinner at six and you eat at five. It’s just different and it’s okay. So I think we’re groomed in a way that way to think, that’s our life, right?[00:17:19] It’s normal. I also think there was grooming going on in my household because part of the story I haven’t mentioned is that my father was one of three main abusers in my life, and it started quite young, so that was also normal, right? Yeah, so, that’s what abusers do, that’s what pedophiles do, is they start you very young, because you don’t know any better. That’s right, you trust them. They are usually somebody that, Is supposed to care for you and look after you and you’re dependent on them and [00:18:00] you have no way of knowing that this is not appropriate.[00:18:03] This is absolutely wrong. It’s evil. Right? Right. And in every case of mine, the abusers, they were all people that should have had my back. Like I said, my father, my great grandfather, on my maternal side, not my paternal. and I went to a day camp during the summer that was run by teachers. And I don’t want to malign teachers because the majority of teachers are good, right, but we know that pedophiles like to place themselves where they’ll have contact with children.[00:18:42] Yep, and you know this because of my story that I had a counselor in the seventh grade that groomed me and put his hands on me. I was able to get away before anything worse happened, [00:19:00] but he had gained my trust for a year. And that hurt the most was he said he was a Christian and he gained my trust. We were talking about me and my mother’s relationship, you know, the teenage years and then he tries something. My parents were good with, giving us the sex talk and we had sex ed at [00:19:25] in [00:19:25] the public school and I knew that what he was doing was wrong.[00:19:29] Thank God I could get up and get out of there, but that’s exactly what he did. He’s thinking, well, she isn’t going to say anything to anybody. Wrong! At least for me, I was old enough to know.[00:19:43] I would say my father was the whole time, so the teacher wasn’t the last one. But when the teacher, by then I was in 5th and 6th grade, we didn’t really have sex ed, we had a one day little movie strip and the boys went to one room and the girls went to another, because [00:20:00] I’m older than you, but, I know that that was part of the shame.[00:20:04] Um, Because I thought this isn’t right, but I still was too young. Plus all the prior grooming and abuse that had gone on must have been very conflicting for me. And indeed he. The teacher, I really was what we call stalked now by him. And I can explain that. And he introduced me to other men. So, I know my counselor said, well, you were trafficked.[00:20:36] I said, no, no, no. There, I saw no money. I saw nothing. Um, she tried to assure me that I may not know there was probably reciprocal agreements or who knows what, but there were other men. And these are the memories that I have the least amount of detail, but they, I have visions of, not visions, but I remember rooms [00:21:00] and basements and I remember multiple people.[00:21:03] The stalking came when I was, after my mom, I figured out something was wrong because we got home late from camp one day, and she pulled me out of camp, and I was elated because I knew I was old enough to stay home by myself anyway, so I didn’t need to go to camp. but I’d be out, I was an only child, my mother worked when it wasn’t a popular thing, so it was abnormal back then.[00:21:31] So I was by myself a lot. And I would go out in the front yard and play, and he would drive down the street in the camp van when there was no one else on the street. I mean, there was no one in the neighborhood that he needed to pick up. And I remember being scared to death. And in fact, my whole plan was, I came out through the back door of the house, [00:22:00] And kept the front door locked because now this is childish logic here.[00:22:05] Um, I figured I could run faster and get at least to the back of the house before he got out of the car and got to the back of my house. Get in, lock that door. And if he stopped and thought he was going to fool me and come in the front door, ah, it was locked. had a whole plan, but I do remember the fear this happened more than once.[00:22:30] I mentioned to a girlfriend about the stalking. We didn’t call it that then, and I begged her not to tell her mom. And she’s the one who reminded me of that story, um, later on when I was trying to figure all this out. anyway, so I have a lot of things that happen to girls today, um, in a much different way, but a lot that happens to girls today, and I just want, them to get the help [00:23:00] that they need, and I think Mending the Soul is the premier Thank you.[00:23:04] Besides counseling, I think you need your own counselor, for sure. But I think Mending the Soul is such a great resource and tool and help for those who have faced that trauma. Yeah, we are very clear in stating that it’s not a replacement for counselors, licensed professionals. We are on a team. We go alongside of the counselors and your doctor and therapist.[00:23:35] We are not the replacement of it. That’s right. Great, great, great, great program. now when did you actually come to know the Lord during this time? Did you always have a faith or was there a time when, God became real to you? I’ll tell this first and then tell an interesting fact about Mending the Soul. For me, in the sixth grade is when I [00:24:00] demanded to go through, confirmation.[00:24:02] And confirmation back then was kind of like it is now. You’re supposed to be in seventh grade at our church at the time. And I wasn’t, but the only thing I can tell you is I had to join. was so important to me. And I can look back now and see. I know that was God touching my heart and calling me to himself.[00:24:24] I know that for a fact because have no words to explain how I had to join the church, right? It was so very important to me. So I joined the church. And I was involved in church. So my faith grew a little bit. I’m not sure I did a lot to help it. And when I went off to college, well, you don’t have to go to church to be a Christian.[00:24:47] And so I didn’t, that was my thought. so I walked away basically is what I can see now of my journey. So I know God called me when I was in sixth grade, and [00:25:00] I know he helped me for my sex abuse journey at that time, and that’s a whole nother long story. But I can see it overlaying my abuse journey and my spiritual journey, and that came because of Mending the Soul and doing your timeline that you do.[00:25:19] So, I went along thinking I was a Christian. I went to a Christian college. So, of course, I’m a Christian. I believe in God. I’m a Christian. But I wasn’t growing, obviously. Yes, I was still a Christian, but I wasn’t growing. And it took until I was about 20. I had two children, my husband and I had two children, and again, I think this was God, talking to me, because I started to feel this conviction that I was doing nothing.[00:25:54] My children as Christian. we didn’t read the Bible at home. That was done in [00:26:00] church, of course. I wasn’t doing anything and I felt the need to get back to church. And so when we got back, we found a church home, but it took about six months of arguing with God about going back to church, but I got back to church.[00:26:17] Um, the church helped grow my faith. it started growing more and more by being in church, being involved with other Christians through small groups and, different Bible studies. And then eventually I joined Bible Study Fellowship, which is an international organization that studies the Bible.[00:26:39] And it’s an in depth Bible study. I’ve been involved in that for 25 years now. And that, again, was another step into really cementing my faith journey. And so it was, it’s been piecemeal. There was the initial contact and then a lot of [00:27:00] desert before I came back and really began to know, have a relationship with God.[00:27:06] I love to hear people’s story about their faith and their journey. And it was obvious listening to you that God was wooing you, and we talk about that a lot when we do the timeline exercise. Which is my favorite activity we do in our workbooks. Looking back and we see that God was with us the whole time.[00:27:31] The whole time. Wooing us to come to him. Yeah, I love that. I do too. I do too. You mentioned, your husband. Now you were 43 when, I was When my father died. And this all came out. Well, it still took about 10 years. The story of my father’s death is kind of bizarre, but again, my father died in an accident in the home where [00:28:00] he tried to move one of those large wooden television entertainment centers.[00:28:06] He tried to move that to the basement by himself. And so I will go no farther because it obviously that’s pretty ugly, but something happened. A foot slipped, I don’t know. And he ended up on the bottom of it. At that time, my mother had died about nine years earlier and he was living with another woman at the time.[00:28:27] when I got to Denver, which is where I grew up, she said she had to tell me something and come to find out my father had been dressed in women’s underwear. Mm. Uh, you could have blown me over with a feather. Yeah. Because up to this point, my impression of my father was this poor man. He just, he was a blue collar worker.[00:28:51] He had no hobbies. Um, he went to work and came home. Poor man. What a life. And after my mother [00:29:00] died, oh gosh, you’ll probably sit in a chair and disintegrate. And that was what I believed of my home life, my family. so to hear that knocked me off my rocker because what? My father in women’s underwear.[00:29:18] And then when we came to bring his belongings, you know, we had to go collect them from their house that they were living in and I brought him back to Omaha. Oh, the stuff we found that was his. Oh goodness. We found all sorts of various, um, VHS recordings, uh, lotions, and potions, and magazines, and I won’t say what else we found that was even worse than that.[00:29:51] And again, this just deepened my depression. I was, I, I had lost it. I, I didn’t know what [00:30:00] to think, and that’s what sent me into the depression. For about 10 years. and like I said, trying different counselors, I went because of how we found my father, so that was their starting point. It wasn’t their fault, but nobody went any further.[00:30:19] Into that and, um, or tried to see if there was anything. They just, started there. And so we always ended up talking then about my negative self-talk. So it wasn’t very helpful for me. And it wasn’t until I found this counselor or went to the one recommended by this pastor where, I said a few things.[00:30:43] And because of what I said to her, her next question was, Were you abused as a child? I hadn’t said any of it, so in that second, I had to decide, was I going to disclose the few little bits that I [00:31:00] thought I knew of my life, or was I going to say, long time ago, no, it didn’t matter. And it was when I disclosed to her the few things that I remembered from, one from a great grandfather and one from the camp counselor, which is what I remembered.[00:31:18] We started talking and we talked every week. it took probably three or four years before I unraveled what I know today of my story. And I do not know. The full thing I wanted to know for years. I kept going, okay, we gotta get more. We gotta get more. ’cause I wanted to know my life, but finally I just felt like God’s saying, you know enough to know it happened.[00:31:46] You don’t need to know every last detail. Hypnosis or anything like that? Mm-hmm. I asked, my counselor was of the mindset, and I’m sure there’s a lot of different opinions, [00:32:00] but her opinion, she didn’t advise it because she felt like if your brain wasn’t bringing it forth, you probably don’t want to force something that maybe you can’t handle.[00:32:13] So her opinion was that, I mean, she certainly wasn’t going to stop me or anything, but she felt that it was unwise To try to force something that my own brain wasn’t allowing me to remember. I think she made the right decision. I mean, yeah, but it took many years to resolve that because I really wanted to know.[00:32:37] I felt like I should know my own life. But I accept what God, I think obviously God is always right, but I He’s right. I know enough. I know this story that I wrote. It’s my story. It’s the truth. You don’t have to know every single detail to know Every single time you were abused and every [00:33:00] way in which you were abused. I have enough to know that I was. So I’m not bothered anymore. Oh, well, I’m glad about that.[00:33:09] It sounded like your family just wanted to bury it and forget about it and move on and didn’t realize how traumatic that was for you to deal with. I believe that there’s a memory I have when my mother died. The night she died, I was upstairs in the living room with my father and my husband and two children were downstairs.[00:33:35] That’s where we always slept when we visited them. And my father said something there, and this is in the book. My father said something very interesting. He said, mother made me promise not to do something. And at the time, now remember, we’re both grieving. I literally, it’s the day of the funeral. We’ve come home from the funeral.[00:33:56] My thought was, oh, he, she probably didn’t [00:34:00] want him to get married again. I remember thinking that. So I said nothing more. Well, years later, going through counseling, by then I, it was like, that never set well with me because I remember talking with my mom and she always had said, the couple of times we’ve had conversations, well, if I go before your father, you know, I’d want him to go on living.[00:34:24] So, it didn’t, didn’t jive. And then I realized. He didn’t know I didn’t remember, because at that time, the day of the funeral, I didn’t remember. It took 10 years of counseling to put it all together, right? So, he probably thought I knew what he was talking about. I so wish I would have said something, but I didn’t.[00:34:51] And again, it doesn’t really matter in the scheme of things. Well, you were married, and you raised two kids, [00:35:00] what did your husband, Dana, think about this? What was his reaction to all of this going on? First off, you need to know, he is a sweet back man. He’s very gentle and he was raised in a Christian home.[00:35:16] So I can remember when we were dating, the night I told him again the two things I knew about my abuse. And he listened very attentively. I don’t remember much more that evening that he said. When, years later, when I was going through all this, he was the most supportive man. He helped me.[00:35:41] I went into a mode of, we’re going to research this, and, I looked up , I contacted people. I contacted some neighbors that, I hadn’t talked to them since I was a kid, but they had boys my age. And I thought one of the basements [00:36:00] was theirs. I was trying to figure that out. So I would interview people without telling them.[00:36:06] They must have thought it was weird to get a phone call out of the blue. I didn’t want to lead them, but I wanted to know, what do you remember about the basement? And they didn’t. And I don’t think that was them. After many more times of thinking through memories, I contacted my best friend, who I had stayed moderately in contact with, but we’ve never discussed this.[00:36:31] And again, I asked her questions, I didn’t want to lead them. I didn’t want to give them the answer, but I wanted to see what they remembered. And so she reminded me of, like I said, the stalking and then a couple of other small instances that she was aware of. I researched vans from, that were the type from the day camp.[00:36:53] that we went to. Um, so Dana helped me with all that. He’d go, well, maybe we [00:37:00] could look up this, we tried to look up the camp. The camp no longer exists, internet wasn’t around back then, so nobody went back and put in any records. the abuser’s name is in the book because I’m certain he’s dead, and besides his name is Mr.[00:37:19] Adams. Well, I could have also changed the name to protect the innocent and called him Mr. Adams. so I couldn’t go anywhere there. We tried to think of different ways to prove this. Since that time, interestingly enough, I didn’t tell my mom’s side of the family or my father’s side. I didn’t want to hurt their opinion of my father.[00:37:44] That was early on. That’s how I was thinking. And my counselor kept urging me that it might help me because They might know some things that would help . , But I resisted. And two years ago, [00:38:00] before was going to publish the book, I thought, okay, I have got to tell, my favorite aunt on my mom’s side.[00:38:09] She’s only like 10 years older than me I’ve got to tell her. So we went home to Denver and I arranged a time to talk to her and I got through telling her my story. And when I got done, she said, Well, now that you’ve shared this with me, I can tell you, and she told me about a time with my father where he offered her money to take off her clothes.[00:38:34] I thought she was like in high school, and I asked her, and she said no, she was in junior high. Just another way of showing that he obviously, I can say this now, but he was a pervert. I mean, there’s, there’s just no two ways about it, right? It took a lot of years to get to the point to say that without being angry. One other point about that, one thing I had to really [00:39:00] work on that also got healed, um, about four or five years ago, I really struggled with the 10 commandments. And the fifth one being honor your father and mother, because I knew enough to know God hates abuse. I knew that. I can point you to passages, right?[00:39:21] Many passages about that. But yet, and I knew it gave free will, but yet I wanted to say honor your father and mother, except if they abused you. I mean, that would be my way of writing it, and that’s not what it says. And so I struggled with that. I looked up, okay, well, what does it mean to honor someone then?[00:39:44] I was, really, working with God to try to, okay, let’s make this work. And finally, um, I did get some relief from that out of a, a sermon more recently at our church. And it really helped me. [00:40:00] And of course, the multiple times we go through forgiveness and mending the soul. I mean, all of that’s playing into that too.[00:40:06] So that, you know, it’s not bothering me anymore. But I struggled with the fifth commandment and what I was supposed to do. Yeah, well, we can acknowledge the office of Father, and yeah, he fed me, he clothed me, gave me a roof over my head, you’re looking at all these tangible, positive things that he did, but it doesn’t mean you have to ignore the horrible abuse that he did.[00:40:37] Right. a lot of people don’t realize that. They think they have to honor all of it. Well, no, you don’t have to, honor the bad parts. You, acknowledge that, yes, he was my father and he did some things that were, caring for you as a child. We talk about forgiveness a lot. In fact, that’s the last chapter in our book for [00:41:00] a reason. Yes, and that was something I learned through Mending the Soul. I don’t think I had been ever told that I should forgive and forget because I hadn’t talked to a lot of people about my story.[00:41:13] But I do think a lot of people are told, Oh, you have to forgive. If you’re a Christian, you have to forgive them. And I love that Stephen Tracy says, Forgiveness comes at the end. And it’s also a right to be earned. You don’t just automatically let an abuser back into your life. You know, that’s an important element there for women who their abusers are still alive.[00:41:38] Yeah, you don’t have to let them continue to abuse you or have access to you. Repentance is required if they’re still around. What do you do when your abuser is no longer here? Your father passed away. Well, that, as I kind of alluded to, that was still a struggle, too, because [00:42:00] I think it left me open.[00:42:02] I, couldn’t get that. There was no chance of repentance, right? He’s not going to come back and ever say sorry. He’s not going to say, I won’t ever do it. I don’t have any of those things that can be a stumbling block. For a lot of women. I didn’t have those so when they’re dead I think you have to come to the fact that the forgiveness is for you, right?[00:42:28] It’s as we say in mending the soul, you know It’s giving up your right to get even and so I’m not gonna let his abuse my anger at his abuse Eat me up inside the rest of my life. I give that up. I forgive him because, it’s me and I’m not going to let that continue, that anger to ruin my life.[00:42:55] over his abuse of me. That makes no sense. And in fact, one of my [00:43:00] favorite sayings in the Mending the Soul on forgiveness, they quote Desmond Tutu. And I know you’ll remember this, Diana. It’s like expecting your, abuser to, be harmed by, to die from taking that poison when you’re drinking it.[00:43:17] You know, it makes no sense. I think we have to be careful because everyone’s journey, as you and I have seen, is so different and they all have to come to that process on their own. Even if they go through Mending the Soul and read it, And agree with it, they may not be able to take it in as their own at that point.[00:43:39] You know what I mean, Diana?[00:43:41] . That they have to come to it on their own time.[00:43:46] Yes, and I don’t think that forgetting 100 percent is helpful because we learn something from it. We certainly learned to recognize it and so it doesn’t happen to us [00:44:00] again. If we quote unquote forget it, pushed it out of our mind, then we’re not taking those lessons into the future, are we? Right.[00:44:09] You talked about the healing methods that you’ve gone through, Mending the Soul, your counselor. Was there anything else that you used?[00:44:19] For me, I read a lot. I read fiction. I read nonfiction, because that seemed for me to validate my story before I found Mending the Soul. It was just helpful to read other people’s stories or to read nonfiction about incest or PTSD or those topics. It helped me to understand the topics. It felt validating to me.[00:44:46] And that was important. But I would say mostly, um, it was my spiritual growth. And then, of course, like I said, at the same time, then I found mending the soul and going through that and [00:45:00] then being able to facilitate. I felt God was calling me to me. One of the reasons I do Mending the Soul and why I wrote that book is, for Second Corinthians, 1:4 where we give comfort because of the comfort we’ve received from God.[00:45:16] So I feel like I’m supposed to walk alongside others, um, and help because I know how bewildering that walk can be and how lonely, how shocking, devastating, all of those words. And for me, those, the biggest part was spiritual and then counseling and, uh, mending the soul. Those three components were the top pieces.[00:45:41] So, when you read the Bible, is there, a Bible story that is one of your favorites in relation to your story? I can’t say I have a favorite, I have several, but I would mention the, the common ones. David’s daughter, Tamar, who was [00:46:00] raped by her brother. And then I’ve also loved Dina back in the Old Testament early on with her getting, just going out, doing her life and getting, uh, raped.[00:46:11] then really, this will sound odd. I love Hagar, and I talk about this in the book, I was doing Genesis one year in the Bible Study Fellowship, and it came to the, part, where she gave him the name, You’re the God Who Sees Me. And then later, . Yes, and Ishmael is crying in the desert later, and he heard Ishmael crying.[00:46:37] So, he sees me, he hears me. And so, while those, well, actually, I guess Hagar was abused in a sense physically and that kind of thing, but wasn’t, well, yeah, it was sexual too. But anyway, that’s my favorite part of it is he sees me, he hears me.[00:46:55] I love Hagar’s story. I, I did a podcast [00:47:00] episode on Hagar and, just loved visiting, the truths that, are discovered again with her. Now, we talked a lot about many things. your book, we certainly want to make sure that people know where to find your book. Thank you. You can. you can always go to Amazon.[00:47:24] It’s on[00:47:25] goodreads.[00:47:26] I have a[00:47:27] a web page[00:47:28] where you can go to that and order it and the webpage is JBragfield, B R A G F I L D. F I E L D dot com, and you can order it from there as well. Um, so those would be the places I’d refer someone to. And I hope, even if you haven’t been touched by abuse, I think all of us know somebody, and I’m not going to claim to be an expert.[00:47:54] But it was aimed to be an encouragement to those who had faced the [00:48:00] trauma. So, even if your listeners know somebody, I hope it could be an encouragement to someone out there that’s faced the trauma of abuse. That’s the reason I wrote it. We know from being in Mending the Soul that a lot of the survivors, We are the first ones that they’ve told their story to, and they, they thought they were all alone.[00:48:23]And when you hear somebody else telling a story, Oh, somebody else knows exactly what I’m going through. You can give Jodeen’s story to somebody to read, and they’re not going to feel alone anymore. That’s exactly right. So thank you. And you have a gift for our listeners today.[00:48:43] I do so I have five Free copies, five. If you will contact Diana, I think she’ll have the codes. It’ll be an e book that you can download and I’ll give those codes to her and she can give [00:49:00] them to you, her faithful listeners, because I know what Diana does. I listen to her podcasts and so I know you’re out there so I’d like to help out with that.[00:49:11] Yeah, all of the Information will be in the show notes as usual, the codes, her website, and social media stuff. Was there any last words of advice to a survivor that has related to your story? Well, this is going to sound like a broken record, but if someone reveals to you that they’ve been abused in any way, sexual, emotional, verbal, physical, the first thing is to listen to them.[00:49:41] and just believe. You don’t have to do anything. It can be uncomfortable to hear that when somebody says it, but all they want is the gift of your presence. And then the one thing you can offer them, ask them to check out Mending the Soul and go through a group. I know it’s [00:50:00] a broken record, but I am passionate about Mending the Soul and , what a great resource it is.[00:50:06] This conversation has been wonderful. It’s great having you and seeing you again and just like old times. And we’ll definitely do another group soon, but[00:50:20] Thanks for coming and share your story. It really is powerful and it will help a lot of people. So you know, got my little heart here for you.[00:50:31] Thanks for asking me and, and for telling others about my book. Thank you. Lots of love to you, sister.[00:50:38] Thank you for listening to the Wounds of the Faithful podcast. If this episode has been helpful to you, please hit the subscribe button and tell a friend. You can connect with us at dswministries. org, where you’ll find our blog along with our Facebook, Twitter, and our YouTube channel links. [00:51:00] Hope to see you Next week!