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Welcome back to Part Two of my interview with Arlene Lehmann who shares the devastating experience of domestic violence and not only one, but two coerced abortions. This week we talk about the miraculous way in which she was able to escape from her abuser and begin a new journey towards healing. Her ministry and message is one of compassion, forgiveness and grace for those that have been through similar traumas. Join us for her powerful story!
BIO:
For more than 30 years, Arlene Lehmann has been helping women recover from domestic violence and abortion trauma. She has facilitated many support groups for battered women and post-abortive women. She has served on the leadership team for Deeper Still, a ministry that facilitates weekend retreats for women and men with abortion-wounded hearts. She is a member of Operation Outcry and the Silent No More Awareness campaign. Arlene is also a frequent public speaker on these topics and has been a guest on various TV shows and media outlets. She currently resides in Fort Wayne, Indiana.
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Transcript Arlene Lehmann Part Two
[00:00:00] [00:00:00] Welcome to the Wounds of the Faithful podcast, brought to you by DSW Ministries. Your host is singer, songwriter, speaker, and domestic violence advocate, Diana Winkler. She is passionate about helping survivors in the church heal from domestic violence and abuse and trauma. This podcast is not a substitute for professional counseling or qualified medical help. [00:00:26] Now, here is Diana. [00:00:33] Hello. Thanks for coming back to part two of my interview with Arlene Lehman and she talks about her story of a coerced abortion. So, this episode, we’re going to talk about how she healed from her abortions. Cause she had two abortions that she had no choice in the matter. And she did escape her abuser, and we definitely [00:01:00] want to hear about that. So, be sure to go back and listen to part one if you haven’t done so, because you’ll miss some important information. [00:01:08] And I will mention this, those that are watching on YouTube. Um, depending on my internet connection. Sometimes The green screen doesn’t show the logos and the pink background. [00:01:23] It is showing my actual physical green screen. So it started doing that, like right in the middle of an intense part of her story, and I had no control over that. that’s the first time that’s happened to me. But I just wanted to give you a heads up, Your eyes are not playing tricks on you. [00:01:43] That’s unfortunately part of, uh, technology today. The interview, her story is so good. So I don’t want to delay any further. Please enjoy the rest of my conversation with [00:02:00] Arlene Lehman. So, course, you know, again, Lewis, he actually kind of tried to be more emotionally supportive, I think, than he was the first time around. But, but what happened, I think why he was a little more emotionally supportive was because my pregnancy was quickly became very complicated. [00:02:26] I developed fibroid tumors, which were of course attached to the uterus. So there was no way of taking the, tumors without taking the baby. And, now again, you have to remember this was back in the early 80s. And I think now, I’m not sure, but I have kind of heard and read things that now there are procedures where they can, do something about that too. [00:02:54] Yeah, they do have some, Advanced methods now. I don’t know what, your [00:03:00] situation was, but, it may have been different. Right. Yeah. I don’t know either. But I was actually told at the time that, even if abortion wasn’t legal, that I would qualify because of my medical condition, because I had like seven or eight tumors. [00:03:19] And then of course, plus the growing baby. And of course, everything my body’s going through, all these chemical changes and whatever. And the tumors were just growing at an astronomical rate and well, and weight. The one half, one weighed about two pounds by the time my second abortion occurred. [00:03:39] Yeah. So the doctor kept telling Louis, he kept saying, you know, If she’s complaining that she hurts or, you know, is tired or whatever, you believe her. And he said, I do not know how the woman stays on her feet. And I was still working at [00:04:00] the time. Um, but anyway. I remained true, was trying to remain true to my promise to God and saying, God, I’m going to have this baby. [00:04:11] Well, now here come all these complications. And then, of course, even though he, my mate, kind of was supportive emotionally at the same time, He was planting a lot of fear, well, what are we going to do? Because, he knew the baby could be premature if I did carry. Well, what are we going to do if it’s, if it’s premature? [00:04:33] I can’t afford these medical bills. Well, if it’s premature, what if it’s mentally retarded? What if it’s crippled? What if it’s, what if, what if, what if? Meanwhile, I just kept praying my heart out, and I kept praying, I kept saying, God, you know, I am keeping my end of the bargain. [00:04:51] Where are you? Why don’t you heal me? And it was a very difficult time. And, finally, just one [00:05:00] day, After a long prayer, I said, God, I’m sorry, but I just cannot do this anymore because I, I had already had to go to the emergency room twice to have a catheter just so I could urinate because the tumors were blocking the bladder. [00:05:19] And I just said, I, I cannot keep doing this. I just can’t. I’m sorry, but I’m more than willing to have the baby if you heal me. Mm-Hmm. . So it was a very, uh, difficult time in my life. And of course I knew, that the situation was that I would have to have a hysterectomy. Which of course then meant, well, you know, I can no longer, this is my last chance. [00:05:46] bear my own children. So anyway, what happened was, I finally broke down and had a hysterectomy. And I remember laying on that table, having my arms crossed, [00:06:00] on my stomach trying to like comfort the baby that was inside of me and praying and just, just asking God to forgive me. So anyway, I had the hysterectomy and I woke up to, the shattered dreams of, Not having children, not being a grandmother, you know, all this stuff. [00:06:23] It was just so heartbreaking hearing that and it was such a difficult. Well, you really couldn’t make the decision. You were kind of up against the wall because if you didn’t have a surgery, then you would be dead, right? You’d be dead. And so would the baby. And I know that God has forgiven you. I’m sure you’re going to tell us about that. [00:06:49] But can you elaborate on the different reasons that people get abortions? yes, there are. What I always say is there are as many different [00:07:00] stories as there are women, but the bottom line is the same. We all gave up our baby, for whatever reason, and there are common threads, like a lot of them, they were young, say they were in high school or college, uh, especially in college, well, this will ruin my career because I’m going to college to become whatever. [00:07:23] Well, now I can’t do that with baby. Some are, younger than college age. They’re in high school. I heard of one gal who told her parents she was pregnant and their answer was get an abortion or get out of the house. It’s not like getting a tooth pulled. I mean, no, this is, um, yeah, some, some women, unfortunately, they were in an affair. [00:07:51] There’s just different reasons, but there are common threads. A lot of it, I think, is being young. but some of it, you know, [00:08:00] you’re older too, and you’ve got your life planned, or you decided you were going to have two children, well now here you are having a third one. But you and your husband have, decided, well, we’ll just have two. [00:08:12] Regardless, it doesn’t, take the pain away. It doesn’t solve anything. Women are told that, abortion is a quick, easy answer. It’s just the beginning of a lot of other problems. So yeah, It’s not quick and easy on the recovery side of it. There’s a lot of shame and guilt for women who’ve had abortions for whatever reason, like you probably had. [00:08:42] And a lot of times they don’t have support or resources to keep the baby. Is there hope and forgiveness for them as well? Oh, of course. Of course there is. Our, God is a loving, forgiving God. There are consequences [00:09:00] to our actions. So, Part of it, I think, the bad feelings, especially since I know we’re kind of geared toward Christian women here. [00:09:09] The shame and guilt. They stay with you, and there is hope, there is healing. I also want to say that there are, recovery groups for abortion. A lot of women don’t know that. They do not know there is help available, and that there are groups, there are books, there are Bible studies that can help you through it. [00:09:34] A lot of the crisis pregnancy centers offer post abortion treatment, not all of them, but that’s a good place to start for resources. There are other groups, Silent No More, Rachel’s Vineyard, what’s that one in California? Silent Voices. A lot of places. Now offer support online also, which of course was not [00:10:00] offered way back. We didn’t even have the internet. [00:10:04] Back in the old days, okay, but how I found out about it was I had visited a church that I don’t normally go to. On a Wednesday night service and there, somebody had left a bulletin in the pew from Sunday. And so I still had a few minutes to kill before the speaker came on. [00:10:24] And I picked up this bulletin and it said, there was this group for women who have had abortions. And I was like, what? So that was my very, very first thought. step, probably of the healing process. I contacted them. We went through, the Forgiven and Set Free Bible Study, which is, written by, I think she’s a psychologist. [00:10:50] Anyway, she’s very knowledgeable. She has written a book, and this was many years ago, and it’s still going strong. [00:11:00] It’s one of the strongest post abortion recovery books that there is. So even if you don’t go to a group or Get that book. It’s a good book. But there is help available. For me, since I also had domestic violence in my, past. [00:11:20] Tell us how you got out of that because How You got out of your domestic violence. Our God, I’ll tell you, he’s just something. So he took this hysterectomy that I had, which was very traumatic for me. And as I’ve said, I’m miles away from family or whatever, but two of my sisters they were living in Indiana at the time, When I was still in Colorado and they of course found out I was having a hysterectomy. Now They didn’t know anything about the baby, but they knew I was a having a hysterectomy So they [00:12:00] said we want to come out and help you for a while You know as you recover and help with cooking and laundry and what have you So what happened was I have my own apartment I was basically pretty much living with my boyfriend at the time, even though, we weren’t getting along. [00:12:22] So I had a lot of my personal items and things at his house, like the daily things, makeup and clothes and all this kind of stuff. So when he found out My sisters were coming, and I know, I know as God is my witness, he would have never, never done this. But he somehow, in his mind, thought that then when my sisters leave, that he, then I will come back and live with him again. [00:12:54] So what he did was he took all my personal things, [00:13:00] removed them back to my apartment, and then my sisters came and tried to make it look like, I’m still living this Christian life, and brought, everything back to my apartment. And then my sister stayed, for a week or 10 days, however long they stayed, and went back, to Indiana, and I did not go back to my boyfriend. [00:13:23] And he actually, it was, we had progressed in the, what do you want to call it, the relationship enough that he knew I wanted out. And that’s why I say he would have never agreed to that. But he just had this, somehow got this idea, cause I never said, well, as soon as they’re gone, I’ll come back to you. [00:13:45] I never said that. So I don’t know how he got that idea. I guess he just assumed, you know, or maybe he was trying to get rid of you. I don’t know. Was he trying to get rid of you? Or did he want you to come back? Do you think? [00:14:00] Yeah, he wanted me to come back. What did your sisters say? Did you tell them what happened or did you just let them think it was a hysterectomy and [00:14:09] that was it. At the time, I, I just let them think it was a hysterectomy, but later on. They, knew I told them and all the members of my family and, but they did not know at the time. Wow. All right. Give her, give your sisters, um, credit for coming out there and helping you. [00:14:30] You never would have gotten out of that relationship if they hadn’t come out to help you. Right. And so God took the most horrible day of my life. Even now I say, that was the most horrible day of my life. And I don’t care what else happens to me. I have already had the most horrible day of my life. So whatever happens to me, it may not be fun and I may not like it, but it is not going to be worse than that day.[00:15:00] [00:15:00] So, um, anyway, what I started to say about that was God took the most horrible day of my life and managed to make it for the way of my escape. So, all I can say is all glory to God for that, amen. I sure wish I could reach through the Zoom camera to give you a big hug. You’re so precious and your story and just how God has now given you a ministry to other women that have gone through this. [00:15:38] So you did talk about some groups. Tell us about more of your resources that you have for the listeners. Probably most of the resources would be listed on my website. Of course, not as far as domestic violence. My number one resource would be the National Domestic Violence Hotline, that number [00:16:00] is 1 800 799 SAFE, S A F E, or 7233, so that, that would be my first resource that I would recommend because they can give you you. [00:16:15] in your particular area. I mean, I can name things here in Fort Wayne, but if you’re listening in California, that’s not going to do you a whole lot of good. The hotline can give you resources in your area. As far as abortion, as I mentioned, the Crisis Pregnancy Centers would probably be my very first step. [00:16:37] Because a lot of them do offer abortion healing. Mm, yeah, I would say that too. We have a lot of great, Crisis Pregnancy Centers in my local area, they do great work. Was there anything that you didn’t, that we didn’t talk about, with your story or any advice you want to give the listeners? [00:16:58] I know we covered a lot of [00:17:00] ground today, but. well, I think probably what I would want to emphasize is that there are many hurting women in our pews, and it could be from, domestic violence, or it could be through abortion, or possibly both. But I guess I would just plead to the pastors of our churches to, a lot of them don’t know how to approach it. [00:17:27] They don’t want to approach it. They don’t know what to say. Unfortunately, some pastors think abortion is okay. I mean, it’s, it’s harder to imagine, but they do. Certainly not all of them, but I mean, there are pastors that think there’s nothing wrong with it. They do not understand The damage, not only physically, but emotionally, psychologically, that happens to a woman, especially if she is plagued with this guilt and shame. [00:17:59] And by [00:18:00] not mentioning it, it either enforces that to keep them in denial and say, oh, well, it must have been all right, because we never talk about it, or, oh, there was something else I wanted to say about domestic violence is, unfortunately, women have been told. It is your job, or your place as a Christian woman to submit to your husband. [00:18:26] Yeah. Which, I mean, in and of itself, yes, that’s true. But if you are in an abusive situation, it is not. You need help. You need to get out of there. [00:18:39] Amen. Yeah, it’s just God didn’t intend marriage to be A union between, an abusive man and a helpless woman who’s, being beaten or coerced or, Um, forced to do things she doesn’t believe is right. And it’s [00:19:00] totally different than a loving marriage. You’re both submitting to the Lord and you’re submitting to one another. [00:19:06] That’s a little different than this power differential with. I’m the boss and you do what I say and you have no say whatsoever in this marriage. I don’t think God intended that. He didn’t. He did not. I guess as far as abortion, I would also say to the women listening, there is hope. [00:19:27] There is healing. God is the healer. Even though you know God forgives you, you’re still carrying all this guilt and shame. And God can take that too. And I hear women say, well, I know God forgives me, but I can’t forgive myself. [00:19:44] But you know what? Jesus died on the cross so we wouldn’t have to forgive ourselves. Yes. He died on the cross. And you’re forgiven. That’s it. And if you feel like, but I can’t forget myself, then you’re almost saying, well, then [00:20:00] Jesus’s blood that he shed wasn’t good enough. And that is not true. [00:20:05] One drop, one drop of his blood can cleanse your entire sins. I love that. Thank you for saying that. You’re welcome. Whatever sin that you have, not just abortion or, you know, anything that we do, we know is wrong. We’ve all made mistakes. Um, I know I have. I’m definitely not perfect. You’re right. God’s blood even just A drop of Jesus blood cleanses us from all unrighteousness. [00:20:40] Yes. [00:20:41] This has been a great time together. you have been so gracious in sharing your story and it’s probably still difficult for you to tell your story. It’s still emotional. I can tell. You, you could still feel it right there, but I know that people listening, [00:21:00] they really needed to hear this. If not for themselves, they know somebody. [00:21:06] We all know somebody that could use this. Use this advice, this story, your testimony and your ministry. how can the folks get in touch with you? Definitely want to make sure they have, your contact information. Yes. My website is www. healinghiddenbruises, all one word. com. You can also buy my book. [00:21:32] There it is. I happen to have a copy, uh, Healing Hidden Bruises, How to Recover from the Trauma of Domestic Violence and Coerced Abortion. It does say coerced abortion because, I don’t know the exact statistics, but I think it’s around 80%. Of the abortions are coerced. And of course there are some that aren’t, you [00:22:00] know, the women just decides to do it, or as you had mentioned, some people use it as birth control or whatever, but, but there is a lot of coercion that goes on. And especially if you’re in, in a domestic violence situation, there’s a lot of coercion with that. not only with abortion, but just, you’re coerced to do things you don’t want. You need to dress a certain way, or you need to act a certain way, or whatever. There’s a lot of, just a lot of coercion that goes along with domestic violence. [00:22:33] Lots of stories. I will try and have all that information in the show notes. I’m going to try and look up the resources that you mentioned, Arlene, to put in a show notes so they can click on those and get some help right now. And you’re welcome to come back anytime on the podcast. If you have, another book you write or you have a new ministry that you’ve [00:23:00] started along with what you’re doing now, you’re always welcome on the show. [00:23:04] Well, thank you. Thank you for having me. God bless you. God bless you. Thank you. [00:23:10] Thank you for listening to the Wounds of the Faithful podcast. If this episode has been helpful to you, please hit the subscribe button and tell a friend. You can connect with us at DSW Ministries. org where you’ll find our blog along with our Facebook, Twitter, and our YouTube channel links. Hope to see you next week! [00:23:36]