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For more than 30 years, Arlene Lehmann has been helping women recover from domestic violence and abortion trauma. She has facilitated many support groups for battered women and post-abortive women. She has served on the leadership team for Deeper Still, a ministry that facilitates weekend retreats for women and men with abortion-wounded hearts. She is a member of Operation Outcry and the Silent No More Awareness campaign. Arlene is also a frequent public speaker on these topics and has been a guest on various TV shows and media outlets. She currently resides in Fort Wayne, Indiana.
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Transcript: Arlene Lehmann Part One
[00:00:00] Welcome to the Wounds of the Faithful podcast, brought to you by DSW Ministries. Your host is singer, songwriter, speaker, and domestic violence advocate, Diana Winkler. She is passionate about helping survivors in the church heal from domestic violence and abuse and trauma. This podcast is not a substitute for professional counseling or qualified medical help. [00:00:26] Now, here is Diana. [00:00:33] Hello, everybody. Welcome back to the podcast. How are you doing today? It has been a crazy week. It is very hot here right now. We Phoenicians like to talk about the weather and how horrible it is in the summer. So right now we’re in our tropical storm season. [00:00:55] It’s 110 here, but we have now humidity [00:01:00] about 38%, I’d say. So for us, that’s very sticky and very hot. I was out in the garden at 6am doing my chores. I stopped at 8. 30 because I was getting nauseous and dizzy, uh, that is the first stage of heat exhaustion. So, I stopped my chores today. Uh, and it will 120 degrees every summer it does. [00:01:28] That’s, that’s normal for us, and why do we live here and put up with that heat? Well, because the rest of the year, it’s gorgeous. It’s, it’s 75 degrees during the winter. And so that’s what we live for. So I’m hoping that your summer is going well, not, um, getting heat exhaustion like me. [00:01:51] Um, hopefully you’re doing fun things. I do fun things inside and fun for me is getting to meet wonderful [00:02:00] people on the podcast. And I do have a wonderful lady today that we are going to hear from now. The topic today is. About abortion. And I wanted to give a little bit of introduction to that because this is a controversial topic for the church, for Christians. [00:02:22] And I have had people on the show that talked about abortion. I do like to have guests on the show that provide different perspectives and some hope and encouragement for those of you who I know are listening. [00:02:37] that there is hope after an abortion. And abortions are not all the same. The reasons why people get an abortion are all drastically different. Yes, there are people that use abortion as birth control, which I would be totally against. Just go get birth control. But there are lots of [00:03:00] people in my own groups that I lead for Mending the Soul. [00:03:03] they get coerced abortions either by their parents or by their boyfriends or even husbands. and that’s wrong. Some people don’t have any choices. They have no resources. I had a guest on my show that had no resources, was homeless, and was going through cancer treatment. She was assaulted by two security guards at the homeless shelter on two occasions. [00:03:32] And [00:03:33] yeah, that is a horrible, horrible situation with no support, no resources, nowhere to go. So I want you to be compassionate about this particular episode. Think about what Jesus would have done to support these women who are in terrible situations. Um, I am definitely pro life. [00:04:00] But I’ve said this in the past on other podcast episodes that we have to provide the resources for women who are pregnant [00:04:12] because a lot of times they, they get an abortion because they have no support and they are ostracized by their church. They’re by their parents, by their partners. So, If we stop giving them a reason to have an abortion by providing support to these desperate women, to have the baby, then I would think there would be less abortions. [00:04:37] Let’s take this stigma away from an accidental pregnancy or a pregnancy from rape or incest or domestic violence. [00:04:47] Being pro life means to Advocate for the life of the mother too. Show her hope and show her compassion. Show her that she is loved and she will get through this [00:05:00] and we can help her. We can pray for her. We can be a community that supports that child that’s being born. And you know, I probably will get some emails or comments on social media. [00:05:12] That’s okay. You don’t have to agree with me. That’s your choice. But I want to tell you about my guest today. She’s a friend of Dave Chotka that was on. She reached out to me and said, Hey, I’m a friend of Dave’s and can I come on your show and talk about my ministry? And I said, any friend of Dave’s is a friend of mine, right? So her name is Arlene Lehman. And here’s her bio. [00:05:41] For more than 30 years, Arlene Lehman has been helping women recover from domestic violence and abortion trauma. She has facilitated many support groups for battered women and post abortive women. She has served on the leadership team for Deeper Still, a ministry [00:06:00] that facilitates weekend retreats for women and men with abortion wounded hearts. [00:06:07] She is a member of Operation Outcry and the Silent No More Awareness Campaign. Arlene is also a frequent public speaker on these topics and has been a guest on various TV shows and media outlets. She currently resides in Fort Wayne, Indiana. Please welcome to the show, Arlene Lehman. Thanks for coming on today. Thank you for having me. [00:06:35] I’ve been to Fort Wayne, Indiana, and it’s lush and green and beautiful. Our desert, it’s you know, brown and dry. Well, we are here to talk about your story, and about your book, Healing Hidden Bruises. [00:06:55] And so I’d like to start here with the [00:07:00] very beginning about your background. were you raised in a Christian home? I was very fortunate that I was, and I realized that as time, I mean, I always did think so, but as time goes on, I really realized how fortunate I was. I was raised in a small rural community and in a Christian home, as I said, and we were in church probably about every time the door was open, I have a rich heritage and a good grounding in the word, but, I don’t know if it happens to other people, but at least in my story, even though I know, You know, and I’m grounded in the word, I can go astray or I did. [00:07:45] You and me both. Yeah. When did you make a decision for Christ? When did your faith become real to you? Was it as a child or later on in life As a child, I was probably [00:08:00] seven or eight. And as I said, I was pretty much raised in church and in Sunday school. But that’s kind of a two part question, because you said, when did it become real to you? [00:08:11] That’s a little different. Even though I had a good grounding. Probably when it became real to me would have probably been, like mid eighties that I was really seeking the Lord and a relationship and, walking with him in the word. [00:08:28] So I already prepped the audience that we’re going to be talking about abortion today. And so if it’s a trigger for anybody, come back later when you’re ready. We’re going to talk about this topic at length. Now, what was your personal view about abortion, before it happened to you? You know, that’s an interesting question. [00:08:53] To be honest, I was raised in such a small, safe [00:09:00] environment. And you have to remember, this was way back. I honestly didn’t really know what an abortion was. And I talk about that in my book, when At the time of my first one, I really didn’t know what it was, although I knew I wouldn’t be pregnant anymore. [00:09:18] But I, I didn’t really understand the depth of it, and what the procedure really is and, and what happens. I had even barely heard the word. But I know, looking back on it, That my parents and, and my faith would have not approved of it, but it just wasn’t talked about like it was, like it is now. [00:09:44] I mean, now it’s all over the news. You know, you have kids at five and six growing up with the word and knowing what it entails and whatever. And, but back then I was pretty naive about it. Now, would you say that you didn’t really get a [00:10:00] whole lot of sex education back in those days as well? [00:10:03] Did you feel like you, you knew about, the birds and the bees and, or was that not talked about either? I did some, I mean, it was, mostly with my mother. And then I had a friend of mine, another mother’s friend of mine gave me a book and it really kind of helped, explain it and, From a person’s perspective, which was good. [00:10:23] Oh, well, it sounds like you get more than what most people get. especially in our generation, you didn’t talk about sex or your parents figured you were going to get the information somewhere else. I also had a book for my parents. And they signed the permission slip, in public school, about, sex ed, and they had, the, instruction on periods for the girls and how babies made, but it wasn’t, graphic or anything other than that [00:10:52] it was never talked about. And I knew what abortion was, but, nobody that I knew had one. So it [00:11:00] wasn’t talked about either in, in my circle. And, so. Getting into your story here, with that in mind, you got involved in an abusive relationship. Can you set the stage for us as to how that came about and how you got into the tragic situation that you were in? [00:11:23] Yeah, sure. So, ever since I was a young kid, I don’t know if I heard something, saw something, read something, whatever, but I always wanted to move to Denver, Colorado. I had never been there, but one day, finally, at about the age of 27, I just kind of decided I had it. [00:11:45] Broken up with my boyfriend and was real hurt and whatever. And, and so I just decided, you know, I’m not getting any younger and I’m still young and free, so I’m going to go. And I did. So [00:12:00] I ended up in Denver, found a job in an apartment almost immediately. started in with my new life, but of course I have no friends, family, or any kind of a support system there because I knew no one. [00:12:15] So, I met this man, and he was well educated and, uh, good looking and, So I started becoming involved with him. And of course, I’m sure there was some codependency going on too, because I knew nobody else. So I really kind of set myself up to be the perfect victim because, I’m sure you’re You in the audience are probably somewhat familiar with domestic violence. [00:12:44] It is not about love. It’s about power and control. So here I am, miles from home, not knowing anybody, and I’m all of a sudden enthralled with this man. Now pretty soon into the relationship, probably [00:13:00] within the first three or four months as I was getting to know him, I knew deep down inside, this is not the man for me. [00:13:08] Um, but I remained with him and I guess like I said, as I said, probably part of it was out codependency so anyway, I remained with him and, and um, probably about the second, third year into our relationship, I found out I was pregnant. And, so his words to me were, I think we should get rid of it. [00:13:35] And he said, I think you should have an abortion. So as I said, I, I really didn’t know what that entailed or what it meant. And plus here’s another thing. He always told me. I’m always right. I am. I am always right. it’s so funny that you laugh at that because I remember telling that to [00:14:00] a friend and she did the same thing just roared and I said, Well, what is so funny, you know, and she said, Nobody is ever always right. [00:14:12] But he had, you know, told me that enough, and I was naive enough, and I was brought up with the man as the head of the household, so I believed him, you know. So, back to the story. That was a little bit of a rabbit trail, but it is real. Um, so he told me, that I should have an abortion. So, something inside of me, even though I didn’t know what it was, just said, it’s probably not right. [00:14:41] But I didn’t know. So I went ahead and had the abortion. And I’ll tell you what, when I was still on the table, after it was like really completed, but I was still on the table, there was such an evil [00:15:00] feeling that came over me. I felt like there was something just horribly evil. that had taken place. [00:15:12] And so right there on that table, I made a vow to God. And I said, God, I know I’m not living like I should. And I know I’m not really following you like I should, but I still believe in you. And I still believe I’m your child, even though I’m not doing everything right. And so I will make you this promise that if I am ever pregnant again, If I ever conceive again, I will have that child because I, I am not going through this again. [00:15:43] Wow. Yeah. Did your boyfriend go with you to the abortion clinic? Was he involved in this or he just kind of? Well, he paid for it and he did. drive me to the clinic. but he wasn’t there when I, [00:16:00] and this is in my book too, when I like woke up, I immediately started, I was saying, Oh, where’s my boyfriend? [00:16:07] Where’s Louis? And, the nurse said, Well, I’m sorry, but he got called away. Now, He probably truly did, because he was involved in the media, in the news, and there was kind of, um, dignitary coming in from England or whatever. And so, had said, he had even told me beforehand, he said, if, if I get called away because of this, I’m gonna have to go. [00:16:35] So, Unfortunate. There, when I woke up, but yet, and still, there was a part of me that said, again, I need him and he’s not here, rejected and deserted and all those things. [00:16:53] But I just think it’s appalling that. He wanted you to get rid of the baby, [00:17:00] but he didn’t say, Oh, I think we should use condoms or that kind of conversation. [00:17:09] Right. Well, we did. I was on birth control. Oh. Yeah, and it still happened. Oh no. How common do you think that is? I have heard of it, I don’t know the statistics on it, but I have heard, now this is hearsay, again, I don’t have the statistics, but that, the manufacturers, at least at that time, I don’t know about now, were making the doses very, very light because they were kind of in cahoots with Planned Parenthood, and so, you know, the woman could say, well, I’m on birth control, Oh, I’m pregnant. [00:17:50] Oh, well, now I have to go have an abortion. So I don’t know for sure that that is what’s happening, but I guess it wouldn’t surprise me. I haven’t [00:18:00] heard that before. Well, continue with your story. So, probably another couple of years passed and, Here I am pregnant again. [00:18:11] Now, this time it’s a little different, because in between that first abortion and the second pregnancy, domestic violence had entered in the picture. That had never been there before, I suppose emotionally and maybe mentally. You know, it was some, but not, not physically. So I find out I’m pregnant and my immediate first thought is, I will have this baby. [00:18:39] I remembered that vow I made to God. And. here’s another thing, just as a side note, kind of. I wasn’t told after the first abortion, and if you have had people that have talked about abortion before, this is very common. You’re not really counseled or, given much information about it and or [00:19:00] if it is it’s just oh this is a common procedure and oh you know then it’ll be over in a jiffy and you’ll go on with your life and and whatever. But one thing I was not told I wasn’t told any of that I mean I was told that the lies about it but I was not told that of the physical damage that can happen to your body And I was not told that the rate of having a subsequent pregnancy after an abortion is pretty high. [00:19:34] That the, pregnancy, further pregnancies can be complicated. So, what happened to me was, so I’m saying, okay God, I’m keeping this baby. I, I know I’m in a bad situation, but I don’t care if I have to be a single mother. I don’t care if this Causes us to break up. I don’t care. [00:19:56] I’m keeping my vow to you. [00:19:58] Hey [00:20:00] folks, we are going to pause it here to continue Arlene’s story next week. I know that you will want to hear the conclusion and what’s happened to her, how she has healed and how did she get out of her domestic violence situation. What is she doing today to help other victims of abuse and forced abortions? So be sure to join us next time on the Wounds of the Faithful podcast. God bless you and bye for now. [00:20:34] Thank you for listening to the Wounds of the Faithful podcast. If this episode has been helpful to you, please hit the subscribe button and tell a friend. You can connect with us at DSW Ministries. org where you’ll find our blog along with our Facebook, Twitter, and our YouTube channel links. Hope to see you next [00:21:00] week!