EP 172: God Already Went Before Me: Kelly Hall Part One

Diana WinklerDiscussion Leave a Comment

God wouldn’t give me two deaf children, would he? My guest this week is my friend Kelly Hall who is the wife of an Air Force pilot and mother of four children, three of which who have special needs. She talks of her trials struggles and heartaches in raising her children, but also shares her great faith and the grace and goodness of God. Join us for an inspirational conversation!

Get to Know Kelly!

I’m a wife, mom, Bible teacher, speaker, author, occasional blogger, and podcaster with a unique story enriched by our four children, three of whom have special needs. My husband, Lee and I, raised them in the constantly challenging world of Air Force military life. Our story evolves into an unexpected journey of chronic illnesses, medical treatments and ongoing caregiving.

I am intimately familiar with the ache of unanswered prayers and experienced in the anguish of wrestling with the Lord through the weariness of long waits. If this is your story, I’m deeply and truly sorry, but I pray the Lord will encourage and comfort you through His Word, His presence and renew your hope through resources available here.

My family’s deepest comfort is the unshakable hope we have through faith in Jesus Christ—through Jesus and Him alone, we have hope that holds us even when life shakes us.

website: kellyhall.org

The Unshakable Hope Podcast is available on your favorite podcast platform.

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Kelly Hall Part One

[00:00:00] God wouldn’t give me two children that were deaf, would he? And would the faith community abuse me, persecute me, judge me for having deaf children? My next guest is Kelly Hall,

[00:00:15] who I’ve been wanting to have on the show for a long time, a very good friend of mine. my Bible study teacher at my church and her story’s gonna knock your socks off, her faith her family.

[00:00:30] That’s next on the wounds of the faithful podcast

[00:00:34] Welcome to the Wounds of the Faithful podcast, brought to you by DSW Ministries. Your host is singer, songwriter, speaker, and domestic violence advocate, Diana Winkler. She is passionate about helping survivors in the church heal from domestic violence and abuse and trauma. This podcast is not a substitute for professional counseling or qualified medical [00:01:00] help.

[00:01:00] Now, here is Diana.

[00:01:08] Hello, everyone. Welcome to the podcast today. So glad to be here with you. I am so excited. I finally have my Gooderest friend on the podcast. Yes, I said Gooderest. She is such a blessing. We’ve been through a tough couple years together as friends.

[00:01:29] I’ve been talking about her podcast, Unshakeable Hope, to you guys before, I helped her start the podcast and the devil was just trying to stop her from starting it. We’ll tell you more about that later, but I wanted you to meet her so you can hear for yourself

[00:01:49] how good God is, and she’s going to talk about suffering in the midst of terrible trials. We’ve definitely been talking about suffering with our [00:02:00] series in Job, and I think this is very fitting to come out of that series and for Kelly to tell her story of pain and suffering. What do you do when, okay, all God’s promises aren’t showing up in your life and what happens to your faith?

[00:02:18] Let me read her bio for you.

[00:02:21] I’m a wife, mom, Bible teacher, speaker, author, occasional blogger, and podcaster with a unique story enriched by our four children, three of whom have special needs. My husband, Lee, and I raised them in the constantly changing world of Air Force military life. Our story involves into an unexpected journey of chronic illnesses, medical treatments, and ongoing caregiving.

[00:02:51] I am intimately familiar with the ache of unanswered prayers and experienced in the anguish of wrestling with the Lord [00:03:00] through the weariness of long waits. If this is your story, I’m deeply and truly sorry, but I pray the Lord will encourage and comfort you through His Word, His Presence. And renew your hope through resources available here.

[00:03:17] My deepest comfort is the unshakable hope we have through faith in Jesus Christ. Through Jesus and Him alone, we have hope that holds us even when life shakes us.

[00:03:29] So, I’m not going to delay any further our conversation. You’re just going to love her.

[00:03:35] My friend, Kelly Hall. Enjoy. Don’t forget welcome my friend, Kelly Hall to the show. I’m so glad you’re finally here doing this podcast. Finally, right. I’m so excited, Diana, to be with you. Thank you for having me. Oh, yeah. We’ve been wanting to podcast swap and you wanted to make sure your podcast was up and running and we [00:04:00] had been working on that.

[00:04:01] And I’ve been telling everybody to go listen to it, but I really wanted them to meet you and to hear your story and just, how God’s been so gracious to you and your family. And, we’ve been talking about suffering. We went through the series in Job and I think your story is going to be perfect coming out of that series.

[00:04:23] Uh, I think that the first time I heard your story was the lady’s Christmas dinner. I can’t remember if it was two Christmases back or three Christmases back. It was before COVID. It was before COVID, yes, and you were the speaker for the ladies Christmas dinner, and I only could see the back of you. And I remember you, telling your story, and I’m in the back of the room just crying my eyes out and,

[00:04:53] It was weird because I didn’t see you again for a couple years, in fact, COVID, [00:05:00] when I started joining your Bible study group, which, you know, we’ve been together for a couple years and I didn’t realize you were the same person for a long time. Oh, this is, the gal that talked about.

[00:05:13] the two deaf girls in her family. And, that, wow, that God brought us back together here in, the Bible study. And well, if you only saw my back on the stage, I’m not surprised you didn’t know who I was. And it was kind of dark. They just had your spotlight on you. But, I thought, oh I’m just so blessed to be a part of the Bible study group.

[00:05:37] And I love our church. I know you love our church. Yeah. So let’s start with your family. We got your husband, Lee, who we love. Yeah, so Lee and I have been married 37 years. And, when we first got together, that was 39 years ago.

[00:05:54] And after he proposed to me, my big thing was, you know, let’s wait. I really want to wait [00:06:00] 5 years before we have kids. I’m a physical therapist. I want to get my career going. And he was totally on board with that. But the surprising thing is, is that five years after we married, we had four. So that was a big surprise.

[00:06:14] And, but the thing that made that easier to have happen is that our third pregnancy was twins. So they were just all really close together in age. And now they’re all grown. Our kids are grown. Our three girls have special needs and, they are profoundly deaf along with some learning disabilities, severe, they had severe sensory processing disorder as we were raising them.

[00:06:39] We didn’t really understand what that was or why, how it was affecting them. They also had ADHD and, you know, a variety of anxiety and depression things mixed in there as well. I’ve only met one of your children. Oh, okay. That was, we were at your house and me and Brian met.

[00:06:58] You remember that? She liked [00:07:00] Brian’s lion t shirt. Yeah, it’s probably one of the twins. Okay, she was a delight. Yeah, she really is. So deafness doesn’t run in our family, neither does twins. So all of this was a really big surprise along the way that just unfolded. But our story is really unique because our four kids were raised in the constantly challenging world of Air Force fighter pilot world.

[00:07:26] So we moved every two to three years. And you can imagine, and also because my husband was an operational F 16 pilot, he had to deploy frequently and go to war. And, we, so we were separated in the first, gosh, in the first 20 years of our marriage, I added it up one time with all this special school. All of our separations because I had to be places where our girls could get special services because sometimes where we were stationed, it just did not work.

[00:07:55] And then he would go overseas and go to special schools, Air Force [00:08:00] schools and Top Gun school and all of that. And so I added it up one time and it was a total of six years that we lived apart in the first 20 years of our marriage. So you can imagine how challenging that was. I don’t know how you did it.

[00:08:13] I mean, either also just trying to set up special services each time we moved and try to get them to the place where they eventually did get cochlear implants. All of them know how to speak, but the journey to get there was long, confusing and super, super hard. I remember very distinctly from your. talk at the ladies Christmas dinner, you said a statement that you had one deaf child and then you were pregnant again, you’re, you’re saying, God wouldn’t give me two deaf children.

[00:08:50] And then it happened. Can You break down what happened there? Yes, absolutely. So we wanted to have another child [00:09:00] besides just our oldest daughter. And so we were trying to get pregnant, but we were scared that we would have. More deaf children, a doctor told us while we were pregnant with our 2nd child that this was probably a genetic thing that my husband and I each had a recessive gene.

[00:09:17] And that’s probably why the deafness was presented. Therefore, we had a 1 in 4 chance of having more deaf children. David was born. The moment he was born, he startled to the sound of ice dropping into a cup. So we knew immediately he could hear, you know, so we just praise God. Okay. Now we know. And then we prayed about, we just decided after prayer that we weren’t going to have any more children.

[00:09:44] We had a boy and a girl. The odds were, in our favor, one in four chance, but we were nervous about it. And so we decided we’re not going to have any more children. My husband was scheduled to have a surgery to make that a permanent decision, you know, [00:10:00] and I suddenly discovered I was pregnant.

[00:10:02] So I did, and so that was quite the shock. But we were in the process of moving. And so I did not find out that it was twins until we had moved to a new place and I was about five months along. So as I was pregnant with the twins, getting to your question, I said to a friend of mine, well surely, you know, I’m scared that this child will, this third child will be deaf.

[00:10:26] And she said, well, surely God would not give you. Another deaf child. And I thought, surely not. Yes, that sounds really good to me. Surely we wouldn’t have two deaf children. But then I saw, I heard of a family that had two deaf children, and I thought, Oh my goodness, this really could be the case. But God was so gracious.

[00:10:46] I was teaching a Bible study. I’ve taught Bible study for Three and a half decades, I was teaching a Bible study on the characteristics of God. And that very week that I found out I was pregnant was on the [00:11:00] sovereignty of God. And so my head was just filled with this beautiful picture of the truth that God is sovereign and he is good and he is always working in our best interests.

[00:11:11] So I said, okay, God, I don’t know if this child is hearing or deaf, but I know you do. And I’m going to just trust you with this baby, thought it was just one, and I’m going to give this baby to you and I’m going to trust you. And so that was an act of surrender, but it was, it was hard and I was still scared about that one baby being deaf.

[00:11:34] Later we found out it was twins, so then I was doubly scared that they would both be deaf. But, you know, my whole, heart just said, surely, I still kept struggling with, surely God would not allow more bad things. We’ve already suffered enough. But from the story of Job, you’re, you’ve been teaching on Job.

[00:11:53] What God showed me in that story is, Suffering does not preclude us from [00:12:00] future suffering just because we have walked through something hard. That doesn’t mean that we’re safe and never going to suffer again. So I found comfort in the story of Job that I did not. And the lesson for me was don’t put your own expectations on God.

[00:12:18] Let him be God in this space and open your heart to him and surrender your story to Him. But it was a process as you can imagine. Yeah. And, part of, your story, you’re going to explain how the church reacted to, your deaf children and what a, a struggle that was.

[00:12:38] Yeah, there was a lot of, there’s a lot of hurt, a lot of rejection. We moved all the time. So, yeah, let’s get them to where they’ve grown up. And then I’ll share that part with you. Okay. Okay. Now I’ve given you an overview of the story, but what I’d really like to do is, go back to the day.

[00:12:55] Our oldest daughter was diagnosed because that was really a powerful day [00:13:00] when God met me there when we found out that. Our oldest daughter was profoundly deaf. I had taken her to a hearing test. She was only about 15 months old and they had, just played sound in a sound booth so loud that it vibrated in my chest, but she never looked up.

[00:13:19] And the doctor just came in and said, yep, she’s deaf. And here’s a phone number. See you later. And so I was just in shock. As you can imagine, I drove home and my heart was. Breaking in a thousand pieces. My husband was in South Korea at an F 16 base for a year and we couldn’t come.

[00:13:41] So he wasn’t with me when this happened. So. That day, I just went home, and I poured out my heart to God, and I was so surprised how much it hurt. I mean, physically hurt. I’d never experienced that much pain in my life, so I just poured it all out to God, and I, [00:14:00] I really felt betrayed by God. I don’t know if this makes sense, but I had been thanking God for this perfectly healthy daughter for 15 months, and I suddenly find out she’s deaf.

[00:14:11] And so a part of me just felt like, God, you knew all along and you didn’t even tell me about that. And so I was really hurt. I was so hurt that God would let that happen and make me wait so long to find out. So I poured it all out to God. And then God began to remind me, this is what was so miraculous about this time, I’d never been in so much pain in my life, but the Holy Spirit began to talk to me and he would remind me of stories that had meant so much to me.

[00:14:44] So one story, and you’ve taught this before on your podcast, was Joseph, and you know, he was betrayed by his brothers, became a slave. Thrown in prison for something he didn’t do. And then eventually he became the ruler of Egypt and God used him [00:15:00] to save all these nations and especially Israel from starvation.

[00:15:04] So what I saw in that story is God has the ability to supernaturally transform something that looks really, really bad and is bad into something that is actually good. Good. And so that story went into my mind, was wrote, just tumbling in my mind. And then I had the memory of Joni Eareckson Tada. Do you know her?

[00:15:28] Very much so. Yes. Paralyzed at 16, written 50 books, she’s still living today, still encouraging people, started a ministry to help people have hope if they’re disabled. And I thought of Corrie ten Boom, you know, all of these stories where things were bad, but God showed up and supernaturally brought, transformed them into something that looked good.

[00:15:52] These. You know, lives were transformed. That’s, that’s the good and that just spoke to me so much. Okay. Nothing takes [00:16:00] God by surprise. That’s what I was thinking. He already went before me. He knew this was going to happen. He’s outside of time. And that just really spoken to my fear. You know, that brought a lot of comfort.

[00:16:13] God is not surprised by this heartbreak. He’s not surprised by this event. It’s not outside of his control. And then I just thought, and he never wastes our pain. You know, he brings beauty out of the ashes of our story. And so we also see purpose there. We see that the people around us can be impacted.

[00:16:34] For good, even in our awful stories that hurt and break our hearts so much. And one of the scriptures, Diana, that came to me during that time was Deuteronomy 31. 8, which says, the Lord himself goes before you. He’ll be with you. He’ll never leave you or forsake you. So don’t be afraid and don’t be discouraged.

[00:16:56] And that’s comforting. Okay, God, you’re with me. You never [00:17:00] leave. Okay. And then the only other thing that I’ll mention during that time that was very comforting for me was John 9. And God just brought it to mind. where the disciples go to Jesus and say, Hey, why is this guy blind? You know, was it his parents sin or his sin?

[00:17:20] And I felt like this was my fault that I had done something that caused her deafness. I just kept thinking, was it because I ran and tell, you know, all the way through the pregnancy? Was it because I took an antibiotic once when I had an infection? I mean, I just, even though I’m a medical person and I know that’s not the case, it was just really hard for me But God gave me that story to tell me, this is not your fault, this is not your fault.

[00:17:52] And then somehow, you know, God, through all of those stories tumbling around in my mind,[00:18:00] he spoke to me. I began to just have this sense of anticipation of the good God was going to do, even in this big mess and even in my broken heart. And he just said, Kelly, You’re going to see my hand up close and personal and you’re not going to have to read about it in some book.

[00:18:20] I will work in and through Kayla’s life and your family’s life and I’m going to bring glory to my name and your family is going to be blessed. It’s going to be good. And that was the first time, Diana, that I realized that grief and hope could reside side by side in the same heart. I was so surprised by that.

[00:18:41] Yes. Now I wanna tell you the miraculous thing God did after she was diagnosed. I mean, you said it so well about the heroes of the faith that their stories encourage us. And I remember a, couple in our church, [00:19:00] this was when I was married to my ex husband, their oldest child had cerebral palsy and then their second son, had Down syndrome.

[00:19:10] So I had seen that before where it just continues in families and I don’t think they had any more kids, but I could see the struggle of the mom, trying to hold it together with. And they were a teenager and above when I met them. And they were like children. Their mentality was, Like a child and it was really hard for them to see the struggle Definitely God was present with them as well.

[00:19:38] Yeah, absolutely One of the things that God did immediately, which I just found to be so gracious because I was just so heartbroken and I was going to have to call my husband and tell him this, and he was so far away. And that was just a horrible thought. And, but that very night I was staying [00:20:00] with my parents while he was in Korea.

[00:20:02] And so I was. And my dad, he was playing with my daughter so that I could just pray and grieve. But he comes in after my mom got home from work and just says, I’m hungry. And I always think it’s so funny that men can eat during, you know, crises, but okay. So fine. Hey mom, look, let’s just drive up to this place and let’s get some pizza.

[00:20:26] It’ll be good to get out of the house. And so we got out of the car, walked in, and I immediately saw a mom holding the hand of a little boy and he had hearing aids on. I mean, right in front of me, I walk in the door, there she is. And so I could not believe I did this, but I just immediately poured out my heart.

[00:20:45] I told her, we just found out that my daughter is deaf and she was very empathetic and she was a believer. And so she said to me, You know, we never go out on a Friday night, but tonight we decided we’d take our [00:21:00] kids and go to a place we’d never been here before. I had no idea why we were here, but, but now I know.

[00:21:07] And so she was so amazing. And so I was able to get the number, a phone number and contact information. Where my daughter could get the same services to learn to talk that her son already attended it. So that was amazingly comforting. And then also 1 piece of this story that you don’t know is that when Lee went to Korea.

[00:21:33] Ten months earlier, he had written down on a piece of paper the date he wanted to come home for three week leave so that we could be together, and it was this day. So Lee was coming home already on a plane, he was already on a plane, flying home to be with me for three weeks on a date that he had chosen ten months earlier.

[00:21:56] So, I mean, you see God’s hand all over this, right? The [00:22:00] Lord went before you. And as I, I mean, my heart is so full of the miracle that is happening here. And as I walked out the door, I just heard God speak to me and say, see Kelly, I will never leave you or forsake you. I mean, he was just so good and making it so clear that yes, he had gone before me, like you said, and he had orchestrated all of this.

[00:22:25] So it was comforting. Just think of if you decided, I’m going to stay home and you would have missed that huge blessing of encouragement. Yeah. The woman and her son. So God is good. Yeah. If my dad had not been hungry and sent us out to go get food.

[00:22:44] Yeah, it would have been, we could have missed it. God is just so gracious. And then, so God met us in that place in many ways. It was just beautiful. But when we moved again, when Lee returned [00:23:00] from South Korea and we were in San Antonio. That’s where our twins were born in San Antonio.

[00:23:05] So that’s where Diana, I really started wrestling again with the idea that what if they’re deaf? You know, I told my pastor’s wife, I can handle. The idea of having four kids. Okay, that alone was overwhelming. Four little kids under the age of five. I said, I can handle that as long as the twins can hear.

[00:23:28] And well, you already know the story. They were deaf, but before I knew. I came home from Bible study one day, and I was just wrestling this out with God, and I actually, I bargained, I begged, I instructed him in his ways, and I opened the Bible, and I actually just marched him through the Bible from Genesis to Revelation, and reminded him of every faithful thing he’d ever done, and just said, see how you are, you’re faithful, there’s no way you would want these babies to be [00:24:00] deaf, so.

[00:24:00] I’m That would be ridiculous. Don’t do it. Okay? My, that’s my idea. That’s my instruction for you. And of course, God let us just pour out everything in our heart, you know, but he didn’t say anything to me, didn’t speak to me. I was just, I did not have peace. But the very next day, God gave me a scripture, which you’ll know, John 14, 27.

[00:24:23] Which says, peace I leave with you, my peace I give to you, not as the world gives. God doesn’t give us peace that only comes from our circumstances working out the way we want them to. He gives us a different kind of peace. And then the rest of the verse says, don’t let your heart be troubled and don’t be afraid.

[00:24:42] And so again, God was speaking into my fear. And he didn’t tell me how things were going to turn out, but I knew I could trust him. I had peace and every time I would get scared during the pregnancy, I would just remember that verse and I would surrender them again to him. When, so the twins [00:25:00] are born, we still didn’t know, but now, but at two weeks old, they did a test.

[00:25:06] And we found out that both of them were profoundly deaf, and that term just means they’re just like their older sister, they can hear nothing, nothing. Maybe if there was a jackhammer right next to them, they could hear that, but they had no hearing, and even hearing aids, we would find out later, gave them very little.

[00:25:27] So profound is just the level loss, hearing loss. Okay. We all process pain differently, right? I process pain by talking about it. Do you do that, Diana? I mostly, kind of like shut down, to be honest. Okay. Yeah. Everybody does different things. So my husband has to move and do things.

[00:25:52] He has to accomplish things. And so in the process of just moving and doing things, that’s how he processes his pain for [00:26:00] me. I have to sit and I have to talk to people about it. I have to say the words. And so. That’s what I did. I called my Bible study friends. I didn’t want to call my parents because that would be too painful.

[00:26:12] So I thought I have to get used to saying the words, right? And so I called my Bible study gals and just processed it with them. But one of these sweet ladies who I still love are still very good friends. She said, She was a new believer and she said, well, they can’t be deaf because I prayed. And the Bible says, if you pray and you really believe that he’ll give you what you asked for.

[00:26:37] And I thought, Oh my dear sweet friend. That’s really common. Yeah. Yeah. So she just didn’t understand. But the cool thing is, is I heard God saying words out of my mouth that had not been in my mind right before. So I just said, you don’t need to worry about a thing. Everything is gonna be fine. God is with [00:27:00] us in this.

[00:27:00] He is gonna work in and through our family story. He’s gonna bring glory to his name. And our family is gonna be very blessed because we’re gonna see his hand up close and personal and not have to read about it in some book. And so all these words are coming outta my mouth and I’m like. Wow. That’s, that’s pretty amazing

[00:27:18] of God to comfort me in that moment of deep loss. I just

[00:27:21] love that. Yeah. I love Forrest Gump. Just then, because Lieutenant Dan’s like, where’s this God of yours? Then God showed up. I love it. Yes.

[00:27:40] But we all know that when we walk through hard stories, right? You have good days and bad days. Well, I want to tell you about one of my bad days and how God met me there. Okay. So the twins were about six months old. First of all, just imagine taking care of four little kids, you know, they’re so [00:28:00] overwhelming.

[00:28:00] So I’m looking at my overwhelming little sweet family and the twins were in their high chairs and I was trying to feed them. And they had these really big, huge hearing aids on their tiny bald heads, you know, and. My other daughter was in the room trying to talk to me and her speech was completely unintelligible.

[00:28:18] So I’m having to exercise a lot of patience to try to understand what she’s saying and I’m asking questions. And then I look at my son who’s hiding behind a piece of furniture and he was not potty trained. So I knew he was doing his business behind the furniture and I was like, Oh dear. And I just suddenly saw this long road ahead of me thinking.

[00:28:41] Somehow I have to take care of four kids, meet all their needs and, and moving every two to three years with the air force. And not only that, but I have to teach these deaf kids to talk. I need to get them special services. And on top of that, I want to teach all my kids about Jesus, the most precious thing in the world to [00:29:00] me.

[00:29:00] I want to teach him his word and I want them to come to know that he is good and he is faithful. And I suddenly had this moment where I felt like. Panic just rose up inside of me and the room was just rotating around me, like on a TV show where someone’s in crisis and the camera just kind of pans around them.

[00:29:20] Okay. That’s what was happening. Like the whole room was rotating around me and I was in uptight panic mode, completely overwhelmed. And I just said to God, I can’t do this. You got the wrong girl. I cannot. Do this, never. I can’t do it. I need a way out. I was panicked and my mind was desperately searching for a way out.

[00:29:40] Everything I could think of, is there a way I can run away? I mean, what can I do, ? There’s just nothing. Nothing came to mind. And it was as if I could just see this road that forked in front of me. And I knew one path led to despair and one path led to Jesus and hope.

[00:29:56] Okay, everybody. We’re going to do a part two of [00:30:00] Kelly’s interview I know that you’re being blessed by her

[00:30:04] Stories her examples of God’s goodness and grace. So, be sure to come back next week when we hear the end of her story and what is she doing right now. So, we’ll see you next week on the Wounds of the Faithful podcast. Bye for now.

[00:30:21] Thank you for listening to the Wounds of the Faithful podcast. If this episode has been helpful to you, please hit the subscribe button and tell a friend. You can connect with us at DSWMinistries. org where you’ll find our blog along with our Facebook, Twitter, and our YouTube channel links. Hope to see you next week!

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