EP 158: I Never Thought Anyone Would Love Me: Marina Carrier: Part One

Diana WinklerDomestic Violence

As a trauma survivor, and current minister who helps women overcome obstacles to faith, I’m passionate about the message that God has put on my heart: in our deepest darkness, we find the greatest light through His Spirit.

Over the past 20 years, I’ve gone through a profound inner transformation, which culminated after ‘listening to my pain’ with God, in my first book of my trilogy on facing and overcoming trauma, “Treasures of Darkness: Facing the Pain and Finding the Light.” 

During the last 11 years, I’ve been ministering to women in the online space, with a special focus on addressing trauma pain and fostering faith in the Word and Spirit of Christ. 

I’m interested in talking about the theme of “In your weakness is My Strength” – how we can embrace our human weaknesses through trauma, in faith in Christ, and become Children of God through total trust in the love of God the Father.

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Marina Carrier Part One

[00:00:00] What if your mother told you that she tried to abort you and that you are an illegitimate child? You’re just a child wanting to be loved. What if you longed to worship and serve God and you wanted to join the convent or monastery, but they wouldn’t take you? Well, that’s what happened to my guest today, Marina Carrier.

[00:00:23] You’re going to hear her story, her journey of pain and abuse, but also of great faith. So that is next on the Wounds of the Faithful podcast.

[00:00:34] Welcome to the Wounds of the Faithful podcast, brought to you by DSW Ministries. Your host is singer, songwriter, speaker, and domestic violence advocate, Diana Winkler. She is passionate about helping survivors in the church heal from domestic violence and abuse and trauma. This podcast is not a substitute for professional counseling or qualified medical help.[00:01:00] [00:01:00] Now, here is Diana.

[00:01:07] Hello everyone, welcome to the podcast. I’m glad you’re here. Are you feeling anxious about world events? There’s a lot going on,

[00:01:17] but I want to encourage you that God is in control. God knows what’s happening. It’s not a surprise to him. The message is still the same. Our, our commandment is still the same. To love one another, to tell others about Jesus and the gospel. And to trust in him to bring you peace during this tumultuous time.

[00:01:39] And be nice to your friends or neighbors who may have a different opinion on the matter.

[00:01:45] Don’t fall into that mentality that the news is giving us, that our friends and family may be giving us. Think about what Christ would do in this situation.

[00:01:57] How would he treat people? And that’s how we ought to [00:02:00] conduct ourselves.

[00:02:01] So that’s that little tidbit for you.

[00:02:03] So just a minor short announcement that after some feedback from some of my listeners and looking at the stats, it appears that people listen for about 30 to 40 minutes and then you don’t finish listening to the rest of the podcast. So speaking with one of my listeners, he said he has a 30 minute commute and he doesn’t go back and listen to the rest of it.

[00:02:30] And so I made the decision to do about a 30 to 40 minute episode. So I know you guys are used to my long form interviews, long form solo podcasts. I’m not going to be reducing the content. I’m going to be dividing it into a part one and part two. So today’s episode will start that. It will be part one of Marina’s story and then a part two for next [00:03:00] week.

[00:03:00] And if I have solo episodes that I’m recording, such as in the future, Job, then I’m going to keep it to 30 to 40 minutes tops and give you, bite sized, episodes with content. And the other reason I’m deciding to do this is it takes a lot of time for me to edit these podcasts and

[00:03:23] so I think that 30 minute podcast will be easier for me to edit faster and you guys are still going to get the same long form content just in, just in two sections. Now, if you don’t like that format, please let me know.

[00:03:39] As I said in the intro, we have a

[00:03:42] a lovely, delightful lady that I recently got to meet. She is in the UK. I’ve only had maybe one or two guests from the UK, so I’m always interested in making friends with, our UK neighbors out there.

[00:03:57] And she is dressed [00:04:00] as a sister. So, if you’re watching this on YouTube, that is. The reason is because in her heart she wants to be a religious sister.

[00:04:10] I’m gonna read a little bit about,

[00:04:12] about her bio here. We’re gonna talk about her book, Treasures of Darkness Facing the Pain. She has a couple other books that she would like to mention as well. And she says, Over the past 20 years, I’ve gone through profound, Inner Transformation, which culminated after listening to my pain with God. In my first book of my trilogy on Facing and Overcoming Trauma,

[00:04:38] treasures of Darkness, Facing the Pain, and Finding the Light. During the last 11 years, I’ve been ministering to women in the online space, with a special focus on addressing trauma pain and fostering faith in the Word and Spirit of Christ.

[00:04:54] I love to talk about the theme of In Your Weakness Is My Strength, how we [00:05:00] can embrace our human weaknesses through trauma and faith in Christ. And become children of God through total trust in the love of God the Father.

[00:05:10] We had a wonderful conversation last week and just getting to know each other. And I know that you will enjoy our conversation today. She has lots of tidbits.

[00:05:22] You will see her incredible love of God and she loves to, remind us of grace of God,

[00:05:31] just loves to season her speech with grace and truth.

[00:05:35] So I’m not going to talk any further here. I’m going to bring, my guest.

[00:05:41] So I hope you enjoy my chat with Marina Carrier.

[00:05:45] Please welcome my guest today, Marina Carrier. Thank you so much for being with us today. It’s such a joy, such a privilege to be here. I mean, what more can I say, Diana? It’s, a [00:06:00] joy, to work with people who are… On the same journey and helping others with the journey of overcoming trauma. Trauma effects and trauma brain and all the difficulties that come from having been, lived through things that are not loving, beautiful or good and true.

[00:06:20] I’m going to look forward to that. You’re in the UK right now? I am indeed. I’m in, I’m in Scotland. So, what do you love about Scotland? Well, I was led here by Saint Columba. So, there’s some very old, there’s a long tradition of, the saints coming to preach to the Lord.

[00:06:40] So, I was brought up here many years ago to pray for Scotland. I love, I don’t like the divisions that there are, that have been, and still scratch the surface, and there will be, things that are not right, between the English and the Scots. But, you know, in Christ.

[00:06:59] This is [00:07:00] the whole thing about in Christ. Just as in us, you know, we’ve got these divisions, particularly if we’ve suffered. If we keep persevering, then God can bring unity out of all of it in Christ. I love the place, the mountains, the water, and the history.

[00:07:17] So we’ve got very ancient Christian history and there’s tremendous culture of hospitality in Scotland and that despite all the other things. So I lo I love that. And being in now in Edinburgh, I love speaking French and there are lots and lots of people. I find people when I’m going into the center, I’m not very good at that, but when I go into the center, there’s nearly always some French voices I can find.

[00:07:44] It’s a very multicultural place. The beauty of the landscape, it’s majestic, sometimes overpoweringly majestic, but then that’s like God too, so. Yes, and your background there, we’ve [00:08:00] talked about this before, is my favorite place in France, Giverny, and I’ve been on that bridge.

[00:08:07] Have you really? Well, I haven’t. Yeah. My favorite place. We’re so glad that you’re here with us, and I’d like to start from the beginnings. You had a rough childhood, very painful. Can you walk us through, or set the scene for what it was like in your childhood? Well, you know, I started writing about this yesterday.

[00:08:29] I’ve written about it many times from many different perspectives, but if I’m speaking the truth, God carried me. I can give you the facts that I was a fail, which I only, you know, came to know later as I was ready and able to receive the facts, but, I was illegitimate, and my mother didn’t want me, she was ashamed, and she tried to abort me and failed.

[00:08:54] So, I was a, a failed abortion, which of course actually leaves wounds in the soul, but, I didn’t [00:09:00] know, about those things, but nevertheless it does. And, and then I was born a girl, well, I mean, you know, who wanted a girl at that time? This was sort of second world war, nearly the first world war,

[00:09:12] and, so I sort of like lived with this unwanted feeling. most of my childhood. And then my stepfather, my mother’s husband, came home from the war and because my mother really couldn’t love me and I was very isolated in my soul, he gave me attention and it just led to, you know, abuse until the age of nine when he overpowered me to silence me when I tried to stop what he was doing.

[00:09:41] So, you know, it was,

[00:09:43] It was, it was difficult and yet I was carried by God and I actually understood. I was given a great, I was baptized and, at about three months and I was given a great spiritual understanding of his brokenness and his [00:10:00] need. So, I spiritually forgave him and of course when we forgive. God carries us. So that was the reality in terms of my humanity.

[00:10:11] But in terms of my, my spirituality, I was God’s child and he gave me great, great grace. I have to say that. And what he said to me when I was led, 10 years ago to listen to my pain. and I had to face the human. reactions to, what had been happening. And I said, but God, why did you, you know, why, how could you let him do that?

[00:10:36] I wanted to blame God. And he said, I give free will. I can’t take that away because I can’t go against myself. And you were powerless. which is why you had all that suffering with powerlessness. But, he said, afterward, I gave you my spirit. And it’s true. I was really carried. And I can remember, you know, incidents, if that’s the right word, I can [00:11:00] remember moments as a child where I felt discomfort here.

[00:11:02] And I’m aware of my attention sort of going upwards, and then this peace coming down on me. So, I was really carried. by God for many, many years carried through, in order to get into a grammar school where I could, you know, get then on to eventually to become a teacher. He, all sorts of things happened that he provided where it wasn’t naturally happening and he provided.

[00:11:29] Something came in and he provided even A level scripture when I was 16 to 18. So he taught me things through his providential care. And, you know, I can’t deny that because it, because it, you know, it gave me grace and truth and hope beyond, you know, what I could have received myself. So it was only, Much, much, much, much later when I had to face the truth of the fact that I was an abused [00:12:00] child when I’d become a head of department in a polytechnic and was supporting one of my staff who wanted to give a day for teachers, practicing teachers, on recognizing victims of child abuse. And at the end of that day, I’d been head of department, and I was in tears.

[00:12:18] So that’s when God started revealing it to me. Then I had to go through all the darkness, humanly. Yes. Now, you told me a story about how you almost drowned and… That seemed to be a turning point for you when you heard his voice very distinctly. Can you tell us about that day? Well, there’s two stories.

[00:12:40] The drowning, I didn’t particularly hear his voice, but I saw his effect. So I was in the process of drowning because I’d been persuaded against my will to go into this atlantic Sea. And, we were at least where there were lifeguards. And I said, well, we’ll swim out to where there’s no waves.

[00:12:59] But of course, when we [00:13:00] got there, the breakers were breaking. So I turned around and I don’t know how much you know about Atlantic beaches, but I’m sure you’ve got things in America which are very severe. But where the Atlantic breaks hard on a beach, then you’ve got to be almost. to the shore before you can get your feet down because the waves have broken the, you know, they’re taking the sand away and, and we’re swimming in and I’d forgotten that you’re meant to breathe out.

[00:13:26] So I was sort of trying to breathe in and there was no space and I thought I’m not gonna make this and I was totally flat calm. This is a really strange phenomenon really. I don’t want to say I’m in Christ, but I certainly just trusted. So I refused help from the man who was with me because I didn’t trust him.

[00:13:45] I didn’t trust anybody to be honest. But then I saw this young man coming and I knew that he’d come for me and I just reached my hand out knowing that People who are drowning tend to drown their, you know, in their panic. Well, I was on my

[00:13:58] [00:14:00] back and he was, you know, his arm was around me and I was on his chest sort of thing, and he was swimming me in. And they, they said, you know, you’ll have to keep her quiet. Now, what it did was open my.

[00:14:18] So, some years later, when the man I was, this same man, had, decided that he didn’t want to marry me, but it, to be honest, we’d got together with the thought of not marrying. I was way outside, you know, God’s way. I was upstairs on, on the bed crying, and then I heard my name. Now, I didn’t think about God, I didn’t have God as a part of my vocabulary, and yet, something deep within me was comforted.

[00:14:48] And then I started seeing things happening that I hadn’t made happen, and something within me wanted to thank this thing. Now, dear Lord, forgive me, but. It was the Holy Spirit in me [00:15:00] that wanted to, lead me forward. And I did start going to a church and that, was the beginning of, the turnaround really.

[00:15:07] And coming to humility and to honour and accept my humanness. I needed to know that I wasn’t God and that I had a father who was going to take care of me.

[00:15:19] And, it was just beautiful, really. It took time, needless to say. And then he led me to a church nearby where I was. And I went to one in the village to begin with and then went on to another one. And at the other one, I then, I started going to the church and then wanted to follow up on something that, that the priest had said and went to see him, and he ca I came away with the his words.

[00:15:46] Look, the first before I went in, the father said to me, God, this Holy Spirit said, don’t listen to how he says things. Listen to what he says. Because he was a big man and, and [00:16:00] it could be quite bombastic. But actually what he said was, You’re confused, you need help, you need The Rock. All of which were true.

[00:16:07] And, so he gave me readings, and I went home, and the man I was living with came back, and in the middle of the night I knew I had to get out of the bed. And, then when I went back to see the priest, because we’d made the second appointment, he said, I believe the Lord is asking me, inviting me to, to ask you if you’d like to give your life to Christ.

[00:16:27] And the thought that anybody wanted me or anybody loved me was just like, wow. And I really knew I came home after that and drew this light coming into me as I did that prayer. Surrendering to the love of Christ is a very, very, I don’t have to say that to you, but it’s very, very real. and it’s never, ever left me.

[00:16:52] November the 6th, 1990.

[00:16:55] Yes. I think that there are a lot of people listening that have [00:17:00] those very feelings. How could anybody love me or want me? Exactly. God wants us. Exactly. It’s so, so true. And, I used to talk about my living lover, you know, at the church I was at. And, you know, to begin with, people, but it’s like, you know, but there isn’t anything that I can’t speak to him about. There isn’t anything I can’t bring to him. There’s no shame that he hasn’t already covered. It’s so awesome to be, have that freedom to know that you’re loved and that God has given you life and you, have purpose.

[00:17:43] And it’s the devil doesn’t want you to know it, your ego doesn’t particularly want you to know it either because the ego is a bit, you know, I’m in charge, I can do it. Well, believe me, you can’t. And before I came on, I was reminded about [00:18:00] something that God said to me. Well, he’s just provided the exact moment to say it.

[00:18:04] I’d spent, nearly two weeks at a monastery and had, which I went to frequently in France. And I had had beautiful experiences, wonderful, really deep stuff, felt very cleansed. I was coming back on the train to Paris and I stood up when we, just as we were arriving in Paris, in Bercy. With my baggage and my rucksack on my back, and I said to myself I must be careful.

[00:18:33] The next thing I knew I was flat on my face On the platform, and I can’t remember which car it was, there’s one there, there’s one there. I think it was this, this one. Oh, goodness. Because glasses, I was wearing, metal y ones. And they wouldn’t allow me to get up. I’d got a woman who was going to meet me. We were going to have lunch together, a French woman.

[00:18:52] So they went to get her. And I just kept praying, and I felt tremendous peace. But, you know, I was in a bloody mess, so [00:19:00] to speak, and eventually the ambulance came and they took me to the hospital, et cetera, et cetera. And both of us just kept praying,, I was shaken, of course I was. But what I want to tell you, and I did manage to get the train in the end, the Eurostar, so don’t, don’t, don’t worry about that bit.

[00:19:17] What came out of it was, God said to me, my dear daughter, it doesn’t matter how much you try to look after yourself. You need God. Me in the name of the Father, son and Holy Spirit. So I don’t do anything now. I don’t get outta bed, you know, . I certainly don’t go out or prepare anything or do anything without the name of the Father, son and the Holy Spirit.

[00:19:43] And I think it’s very, very important for those of us who have been, who have suffered. Some of the dereliction of the cross, to remember that it’s only resurrection through Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. We cannot do it in [00:20:00] our own strength. We have to keep leaning on his love. We have to keep seeking his face.

[00:20:06] We have to keep seeking his grace, his face. He loved, and when I’ve not been feeling this, and I say, oh Lord forgive me, and then I go down into my heart, and the grace of the Lord lifts my eyes. to see through his eyes. And then it just sort of carries hope with it.

[00:20:26] Christ is our hope. Amen. Now, for those that are watching on YouTube, they see your attire and you had told me the story that you wanted to be a sister or be a part of the monastery community at one time. And you tell us that story?

[00:20:43] Well, I think from the very first time when I first came back to the church, I was led to go to monasteries. First one was an Anglican one. And I asked them if I could become, because it was a mix, it wasn’t, there were men and women. And I asked if I could [00:21:00] become a nun there. No, they weren’t taking any women in at that time.

[00:21:03] They were only taking men. Okay. I was led into the Catholic church, because I saw that they were doing communion, doing a Eucharistic service every day. But also to begin with, I saw I was doing matins and, and, and morning and evening service. through the prayer book from the monastery that I started going to.

[00:21:25] I really enjoyed it, but I saw that the Catholic church actually did it at the church. I thought, Oh, that’d be nice to go and join them and just do the matins. And then I discovered that they had mass afterwards, which I couldn’t join in with. But I sort of got drawn in and realized that. I should become.

[00:21:42] Oh, I know what happened. Somebody from the Evangelical Charismatic Anglican Church, had been told by her reader’s course that she needed to go to a church of a different denomination. So she wanted to go to the Catholic Church and she invited me to go with her. And putting a long story [00:22:00] short, the Lord convicted me of my pride when I was there, and…

[00:22:05] The priest said, these are my people, because I was feeling terribly superior. And he said, these are my people. I just felt the weight of God come on me. And, but at the end of the service, the priest knew that she was there, you know, why she was there, and took us around and showed us the confessional.

[00:22:23] But he’d also asked the parishioners, it was actually Palm Sunday vigil mass, which means Saturday night mass. And, he asked the parishioners, told the parishioners really, about the meditations that he’d put out so that they could go around the stations of the cross during the week in their own time.

[00:22:42] I just knew I’d got to do this. And this was really actually a very pivotal point in, my walk of faith because I did come. It took me three hours. And I can’t remember how many stations of the cross there are, don’t, I think it’s 14. Don’t think it’s 14. But it took me [00:23:00] three hours and I wept most of the way around.

[00:23:02] And I saw my sin in hating myself as a woman. Hating myself. And I, of course, I’d never been to a confession, you know, the Anglican church I went to didn’t have confession. And

[00:23:14] I went and knocked on the priest’s house door, which was just next to the church. And the housekeeper came and I said, you know, his father, whatever his name was, I would like confession. So she went and got him. No idea what you did for confession. Not a clue, but I knew I had to do it.

[00:23:32] So I said to him what had come out of the meditations. And, he gave me a picture of Jesus Light of the World. Do you know that one? Yeah. It’s a Holman Hunt painting. And Jesus is standing there with a lamp. And there’s a door with briars. I’m really describing it for people who might not know it.

[00:23:52] There’s a door which is all covered with briars. But the handle is on the inside. So Jesus can’t open it. Only we can open it. [00:24:00] And he said, I want you to look at this. I want you to go and open your heart door. And I didn’t know any Catholic prayers or anything. and he said, just open your heart door and pray the Our Father.

[00:24:11] That was all I could do. And, that’s what I did and wept again. Because. God had made my sin very, very clear. I hated myself and I was running away from the pain inside me. And, you know, let’s face it, who’s done that? When we’ve got all that pain inside, it’s too dangerous to go into our own hearts.

[00:24:34] So we look outside for things to do or we look outside for people to affirm us or whatever. It’s not going to work. And, it was a wonderful, wonderful thing because what happened through the Anglican church that I was going to, I was being recommended to go to this community in Switzerland where I learned what it was like to be part of a family.

[00:24:57] But at the same time, I was [00:25:00] going to the mass at the Catholic Church every, I think they allowed me to go on a Saturday night. So you know, it’s a journey we’ve got. Our trauma brain is disconnected from our hearts. And the pain is too much because we can’t make sense of it, but with Christ we can. With Christ we can tie ourselves to him, invite him into us.

[00:25:26] The times I’ve opened that heart door, you know, and said, come in, Lord. Come in. I don’t want to keep you out. I want you to come deeper in. I want your truth. The Holy Spirit of truth will lead me. to you will lead me to freedom. That was one of the verses that the priest had first given me between those two meetings.

[00:25:48] You know, the Holy Spirit will lead you into all truth and he won’t let you go. He doesn’t let me go. I’m just saying to Diana, even this weekend, even this weekend, he’s [00:26:00] led me to greater freedom, greater acceptance of the fullness of who I am. It’s not about becoming something alien. It’s becoming who you truly were made to be.

[00:26:10] You know, I see Diana with her beautiful eyes. This is truth. But we can’t live like that when we’re living with our lies. We can’t live with love because there’s all that hatred in us, and we think it’s true, and it’s not. It’s not who we are, this is who Diana is, and I just, I can’t tell you, you know, I wake up with just unutterable joy and thanksgiving that he’s allowed me to suffer with him.

[00:26:40] As a child, because it was with him, but then he’s brought me through the dark night of the soul, and that’s when we need to choose to have faith. Lord, I believe, help thou my unbelief. And Diana, do you know the Jabez prayer? I’ve heard it, but I don’t have it memorized. Right, well, it, [00:27:00] just, you could write this down for your people.

[00:27:01] It’s 1 Chronicles 4, 9 to 10. And roughly speaking, I will paraphrase it, it’s in the middle of a list of genealogies. Crazy. And suddenly it says, and Jabez was more honourable than his brethren. And it says something like, and he was called Jabez because he was born in pain. Can you imagine your mother calling, I mean, my mother might have called me that.

[00:27:29] And, and then it says, Um, but he was more honorable than his brethren, but he cried out to God, Lord, bless me and my darlings, this is what we have to cry out to the Lord, Lord, where this pain is, please bless me, extend my boundaries, this is in, in one, in the Chronicle thing, extend my boundaries, that you may be with me, that I hurt no one, and am not [00:28:00] hurt.

[00:28:00] I’ve been praying that prayer for years, and God has done it. When I realize that I’m stuck, when I realize that I’ve got nothing in me that can take me deeper or wider or more lovingly into a situation, I pray the J Best prayer, trusting in God. And nothing pleases the Lord, the Father. than for us to trust in Jesus Christ and to believe in his love through the Holy Spirit.

[00:28:30] I mean, how many times does God say in various ways? Does a father not give his child good things? Would I not give of my Holy Spirit? And honestly, he does. All sorts of things, painting, writing, creating calendars to, to, to be, you know, to be able to give blessing things to people, but he wants to take your heart and make it full of him.

[00:28:59] [00:29:00] It sounds like you’re a sister in your heart to serve the Lord, even though they didn’t take you, but you were in your heart dedicated. And I mean, I’ve tried in the Orthodox Church as well,

[00:29:13] so my, my spiritual father said, well, he said, I think God just wants you in the world. Maybe. That may be true. Yeah. So I live, like this, I could take these clothes off and it was still a bit, but I really, I don’t have any will to worry about what I’m wearing or what I’m going to eat.

[00:29:32] So it’s very convenient to live. A sort of monastic life. So you, shared with me you have been married before? Yeah, back in, when did I get married? Um,

[00:29:45] I was 26, something like that. Anyway, quite some time ago. Do you know? I can’t remember. Um, but it didn’t go well. I was married for 17 years and I didn’t realize that God had been trying to warn me. [00:30:00] Um, about his temper. And, um, you see, one of the problems that we have, my dear ones, when we’ve been abused is that we’re not good at looking after ourselves.

[00:30:13] We’re not good at reading signs. We think we have to appease everybody. Well, it’s not true. You, we need to learn more and more and more and keep inviting Jesus in. Keep, uh, enrolling the power and the strength of the Holy Spirit. Yes, forgiving. But remember that the, the, the father, the word of God says, um, bless your enemies.

[00:30:41] He doesn’t say forgive your enemies. He says bless your enemies. And what the Lord said to me when I was writing my pain in, 2012 13, is that, you know, unless somebody has asked for forgiveness, we bless them. Only, only. [00:31:00] If they have asked, do we forgive in Christ’s name? Because Jesus never, never forgave anybody without them repenting first.

[00:31:12] Exactly. Exactly. And so I’d been trying to forgive everybody, all right? But do you know why? Because I was afraid. I was afraid of being crushed again. I was afraid of their bad temper. And it’s very true. Many, many men can’t bear being gainsaved. But I learned, with the grace of God, to stand in Him, to keep praying, to keep worshipping Him.

[00:31:39] and to bring the difficulties in relationships to him. And one day this person who had been quite abusive to me at times and totally irrational in his anger, and I had learned, you know, not to send unnecessary texts or whatever, but one day he’d asked for [00:32:00] some information and I’d found it out and I sent him a text and I saw that he was actually in the garden.

[00:32:05] with other people and I was, you know, working in the garden and he came to me and he shouted, irrationally the poor man, you know, he was probably in pain, whatever, but it wasn’t appropriate, but it didn’t touch me anymore. Mm-Hmm. I was heal. And this is what you need to keep asking for. If the people touch, you know, push your buttons by what they’re doing, keep praying.

[00:32:32] Keep asking for Christ’s grace. Anyway. So, I wasn’t moved in terms of pain or anger or anything. I just said, the text I sent you had information you had asked for. And then, so that he couldn’t let his anger get up, I moved out of the situation. Not in a huff, Very gently. And five minutes later he came to look for me and he said, I’m sorry.

[00:32:57] So, you know, we can [00:33:00] turn things around in God’s way, in and through Christ. We don’t have to be self assertive, but let’s be Christ assertive. Let him come to dwell in your heart richly. So another of the prayers that I, encourage my, my dear ones to, use is the prayer of St. Paul for the Ephesians from chapter 3, verse 14 to 20.

[00:33:25] And it’s a very powerful prayer. I was given it years and years and years ago when I first came back to Christ. And I think I prayed it every day for about three years. You know, it’s so powerful. I actually started writing a book about the changes that God was, working in me through doing this.

[00:33:43] The prayers are all there for us. All God wants is our dependence on Him. I can’t tell you what it means to me. To know that I have a loving father, and a wonderful husband, and the Holy Spirit ready to answer [00:34:00] my, my every call. I just know that if I pray something, in the long run, something is, I’m going to be made, it’s going to be made clear to me.

[00:34:08] So as I stated before we’re going to do a part two of Marina’s story Next week we are going to hear more about her books and what they are all about What God has called her to write and so be with us next time on the Wounds of the Faithful podcast.

[00:34:30] Thank you for listening to the Wounds of the Faithful podcast. If this episode has been helpful to you, please hit the subscribe button and tell a friend. You can connect with us at DSW Ministries dot org, where you’ll find our blog along with our Facebook, Twitter, and our YouTube channel links. Hope to see you next week!